I'm praying for you and I really mean it.

For the past couple of weeks it might appear to you that I forgot I had a blog, but rest assured, I did not. I have been wanting to submit a post for awhile now...I just haven't. Shame. As most of you know I have been in Georgia and working like crazy. My trip to Georgia was beyond amazing. Ever since I was 9 years old, I have been visiting my Grandparent's in Georgia, Greensboro to be exact, and I love spending time there. They have a house that is about 15 minutes away from downtown, it is a nice break from Austin because you are surrounded by nothing but trees and the lake. I rarely got on online, which as you know is not in my nature, and I hardly texted or even made a phone call....I learned that there is life apart from technology. This trip meant a lot to our family and definitely differed from the others that we took over the past several years.

In September my grandpa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, very soon after he had surgery and the doctors were able to remove it. After a long stay of 21 days in the hospital he returned home and tried to continue to live his life as normal as possible. We knew this visit would be different, we knew that he wasn't going to be as active or be able to do as many things with us like we were used to. We didn't know that this trip would change things in our family even more...

On my Grandparent's 53rd wedding anniversary my grandpa had a doctor's appointment in which he discovered that his cancer spread to his liver and pelvic area. Despite the pain and hardships that they are facing, they were still able to praise God on such a meaningful day in their lives. My grandpa sat down the entire family, cousins, aunts and uncles included, and taught us a lesson that I will never forget. He taught us about the importance of praying for others.

When we say we will pray for each other, how often do we do it? I mean really do it. Do you pray for someone like you would pray for yourself or do you pray for them as if you were scratching them off your list of requests? My grandpa has many people across the US praying for him...they are praying for his healing and he is thankful for that because there are days when he can't pray for healing. He can't pray for healing because he has yet to see it. It is natural, I don't think of him any less for sharing his confession, I only see him as a stronger person. He is strong because he can talk to God and ask him with an honest heart for him to take him.

Could you honestly ask God for him to take you? I couldn't. I love the LORD, a lot, but I am still learning not to be selfish. I am selfish because I'd hate to leave my family, my church, and my friends. I know that heaven would be a million times better, but I don't think I could ask for God to take me. I am not to that point yet of not being scared and I think that's natural.

In the words of my Grandpa, "When you tell someone you are praying for them, do it, because they might be at a point in their lives when they just can't do it anymore." So if I ever have the privilege to be praying for you, I will pray for you like I do when I pray for my Grandpa's healing, because who knows you might be at that same point where you too feel like giving up.

Love you!
Traci

Temptations.

On a car ride to work today something was stirring inside of me that got me thinking about temptation. I was very confused as to why I was thinking about this topic because I feel like there hasn't been anything or anyone seriously tempting me in my life right now. Well the more I thought about it the more I realized I was wrong.

The ever so popular story about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert began to play in my head. I could not figure out why in the world I was thinking about such things. Once again, NOTHING has been tempting me. Let's recap this story together:

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written: " 'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'" Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'" Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.
-Matthew 4:1-11

After analyzing each verse I was only more confused, thinking to myself: "Why would God want me to focus on such things, I already know not to be tempted by Satan over things like this." I would never test God by jumping off a building or worshiping Satan. Duh, God (with all do respect of course!) Then after my little sarcastic fit that I was throwing out of frustration, it hit me: I am being tempted by Satan at this very moment. God: Five hundred billion points, Traci: Zero.

In our life we may never come face to face with Satan and he may never directly tell us to follow him but he is way more clever than that. He has many many different ways that he tempts us without even hearing his voice. So I began to see how exactly this temptation has been sinking into my day, and it was only 9AM! I woke up feeling sick, but I knew it was allergies and whenever I have allergies I try to just blow it off. I try not to let allergies over take my day, since in Austin, TX allergies are just as common around here as the cyclists and longhorn t-shirts. Well this morning I got to thinking, my 55 hour work week is right around the corner, I should just rest today, I don't have to go to church. Well, there began temptation #1, self absorption...wanting to be lazy and lay around. Once that temptation began to be more clear, I realized the other things that could be considered temptation by the devil. A couple of examples could include:
1. Falling asleep during my prayer time at night because I don't set aside time while I am not laying in my bed.
2. Putting off my nightly devotional because I am just too tired.
3. Not wanting to invite a certain person to church because I am scared of what they might think of me.
4. Not participating in service projects because I don't know anyone else in the group.
5. Not being willing to serve because after all I do work two jobs and I am just too tired.

Do you struggle with some of these things as well? Have you ever viewed them as temptations from the devil or do you just see them as daily struggles? I have seen them just as daily struggles, like little speed bumps that just slow us down on the road trip of christianity. I think God was trying to teach me to view these things as temptations, things that have power to ruin our relationship with him. When we skip out on our quality time with the Lord we become weak, and our well runs dry. We may never encounter the devil speaking to us and demanding us to reject the name of Jesus, but we will encounter him on a daily basis telling us that we are just too tired, too scared or not enough! We are enough to do the will of God, we just need to get over the tiredness in our life to see that. We may be physically tired and want to skip over those things but when we take the time to become spiritually renewed it begins to replace our physical discomfort.

Mocha Club: Traci's Coffee Crew

Please join my team and help support my cause: Child Mothers + Women At Risk projects in Africa.

http://mochaclub.org/joinme/TraciLynn

"Need Not Apply."

Have you ever been stuck in a place in your life that you know is just not right? You know with out a shadow of a doubt that you weren't created to be at that job, or in that financial situation, or in that marriage. You pray and pray every night and ask God to free you from that place but it just doesn't happen. God is keeping you there, he won't move you and he won't listen to you. It drives me crazy when he does that, when he doesn't listen to ME...because after all I am the creator of the universe and I am all knowing, right? Wrong. I can't even be a 100% sure of what is going to happen to tomorrow, much less how the rest of my life will play out, so why am I so adamant to prove to God that where I am is not where I belong. How do I know where I belong?? How do I know what I am supposed to be doing when I can't even foresee what needs to be done?

I am stuck in a job that I don't feel successful in, and when I say successful I am referring to the worlds definition of the word. Successful: Job status, Black American Express cards, Mercedes Benz, rollin' in dough. I have tried to seek comfort in another job but it just isn't happening. God will not let me out of my current work place. It is like he has his giant hand on my forehead pushing me back while I try to run forward, and his loud voice is saying NO! Maybe I am running with my iPod on and can't hear him? Why can't I see that where I am is successful in a completely different way? Am I a fan of running with a blindfold on too and I just didn't know it?

Could it be that God thinks that the salvation of other people is far more important than the limit on a Black AMEX card? I have a feeling he favors the first one a lot more. So here I am in a job that wears me out, I am talking pains in my legs and taking 3 hour naps in the middle of the day...and all for what? Serving people coffee, waking up at 4AM to make sure that important guy in the business suit starts his day off right. Well that's not all, I have built relationships with people that are the complete opposite of myself, ones that don't believe in God and ones that don't care to follow Him. And how is that successful, they don't even like God, well at least they can see that they might not like my God but I still like them. I won't treat you any different because you don't love him, I will only love you more because you don't love him. Wanna know the biggest success of them all? The big one that beats out any feeling a Mercedes Benz can give you: Seeing a person that you work with, one who didn't have a personal relationship with Jesus when you first met them, sitting next to you at church singing along to worship songs. That my friends is AMAZING!!!

So at the end of the day, I have to remind myself that I might not have a desk, I might not have a name tag or a company credit card but I have the joy of seeing people curiously seek after God and that is far better than any job promotion or paycheck. God won't let me out of my job, he won't take down his hand and let me take off running but he also won't ever make me do this alone. One of his hands may be tightly fastened to me keeping me where I am, but I can bet that his other hand is tightly fastened to those around me at work that don't love Him.

Keeping Up With The "Kardashians"...I mean "Cobbs"

Our family gets compared to the Kardashians on a regular basis. I do realize that some may view that as a bad thing but I do believe that they possess some qualities of a good family. For example: 1. They are a tight knit group that are always there for each other. 2. They are always hanging out with one another. 3. They always got each others backs. 4. A family full of girls and only one boy. I don't know about you, but I think it is cool that some people can see that in our family as well. Need more evidence? Well here you go:

Bruce Jenner/Clay Cobb
They are both conservative and strict fathers who keep the family in line. They are never apart of the drama and try to give the girls the best advice on how to keep their lives on track. Sounds about right. (Just want to make a note that they look nothing alike! Haha.)



Kris Jenner/Alice Cobb
Oh man, I could go on for days about the similarities between these two ladies! In addition to their matching haircuts, these two are identical twins when it comes to their maternal instincts! When Sarah Palin made a reference to a mom is a pitbull in lipstick, she was talking about these two. People not only know better than to mess with them, they know better than to mess with their daughters...and their one and only son. However, when the children do something bad, somehow it is all about Kris...and Alice...and then come the tears. "It's all about me" tends to be their favorite thing to say!



Kourtney Kardashian/Brandi Barrera
Fortunately for the Cobb family one similarity that these two do not share is that Brandi is not pregnant. Praise the Lord! However, they are both the oldest and the tiniest of the family. How does that work out anyway? Aside from having the same body type, they do share the same type of style when it comes to clothes. They also share the same desire to own a clothing boutique. Jackpot!



Kim Kardashian/Traci Barrera
Let's just make it clear that we do not share the public scandal aspect of Kim's life...and for that I am grateful. However, my family thinks that I have a shopping addiction just like her...I don't object either. I enjoy trying different styles and always spending money, an unfortunate downfall in my life. Like Kim, I am the second to the oldest and I am somehow much curvier than my older sister as well. I think our similarities stop there. Oh wait...neither one of us are drinkers...there we go!



Rob Kardashian/Matthew Cobb
Here we go, the greatest of them all, the only sons! They are both surrounded by girls all the time, unfortunately for them they are their sisters. These two can do nothing wrong, and it is because they are moms pride and joy...and the only boys, a nice break from all the estrogen. Rob went to USC because of his dad and Matthew wants to go to Georgia because of Grandpa. They can always count on their sisters to be their for them. Awww.



Kendall Jenner/Haley Cobb
The youngest of the family. They both seem to be the more quieter ones of the bunch. As you can see they are both naturally pretty and enjoy some of the same things. For example: Kendall rides horses and Haley talks with a country accent. That is kinda the same thing, right? I don't know much about Kendall, so sorry Haley that's all I got! :)



So, what do you think? Think we could score our own reality TV show on E! ? Well...Clay would never go for that anyway! ;)

Just a thought.

3 things that I hope never cease to exist:
1. Music by Brooke Fraser
2. Books written by Donald Miller
3. Tea bags...lots and lots of tea!
(sadly the first two won't last forever, much like myself, because we are only human.)

I don't love you...I don't even know your name!

As most of you know I work at Starbucks and I do enjoy my job! I get to meet some incredibly interesting people and I do believe that it is no coincidence that God has placed me there. It is normal for me to see the same people everyday, some folks come in about once a week. After your 3rd or so visit I have your order memorized, it is just another stalker quality that I posses. I never mean it to come off as creepy but sometimes it kinda freaks people out. My bad.

Well today was one of those days that I just creeped the crap out of a guy. I have seen him several times, he always gets the same thing, so I thought nothing of it to have his drink ready by the time he got to the register to pay. As he approaches the counter to pay I let him know that his drink is ready, and well naturally his first thought was that I made it magically appear. After we explained to him that I do not practice witchcraft and knew his drink because I have seen him several times before, he proceeded to flirt with me. I am sure he had good intentions, he was a nice guy, but he looks exactly like my ex boyfriend and that freaks me out...a lot...mainly because my ex had a lot of the same qualities you would come to find in the devil. Anyway, I immediately get really guarded and won't make eye contact while he is trying to talk to me, and the awkwardness doesn't stop there. He informs me that he won't change his drink order because he appreciates me remembering. Now I just feel like a horrible person, I won't make eye contact with the poor guy and now I never want to make his drink again...just because he looks like my ex and I am pretty sure he thinks that I love him.

I am sure there has to be another person in the world who is more awkward then myself. If you find them, please send them my way, I would like to spend the day with them to make myself feel better. I think this guy thought I stalked him, but that would be silly because I don't even know his name, I only know what he drinks every day, which is far more creepy.

"Made of different stuff then when I began..."

I have a friend and her name is Sarah. She loves Jesus, a lot, and her love for Jesus is very inspiring. I met her for coffee on Friday and we spent an hour and a half talking about the sweet love of our Jesus. It wasn't until today that it hit me, not once did we talk about boys, hair or clothes. There is absolutely nothing wrong with those topics, they happen to be a few of my favorite things, but to see that God was present in the cafe of a Starbucks is so amazing. How do I know that He was present? Because our conversation was centered around Him and we never went off on a tangent. All my life I have heard this verse but I actually saw it lived out in MY life last week:
"For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them." (Matthew 18:20)
I believe with all my heart that God was present in that conversation. I believe that he was sitting next to us, smiling and saying: "These are my daughters."

Every blog entry I make is inspired by something, this one just so happens to be inspired by a song. Today I caved in and purchased Brooke Fraser's the "C.S. Lewis Song" on iTunes, since this afternoon I have been listening to it non stop. The first line of the song goes like this:
"If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy, I can only conclude that I was not made for here."
That is how I felt after my coffee date with Sarah. I felt full of joy, full of happiness and most importantly, full of hope! There are times when I randomly smile or tear up and those are the times that I know my faith is real. There is a real God up there and I 100% believe this because there are desires within my heart that no human being can satisfy! Not even the most amazing man in the world could fill the void in my heart and that is how I know that what I believe is true and real. How great is my God to finally show me all of the things I have been taught all my life. He is taking scripture and making it real, what a wonderful thing to experience the Word in my everyday life. I can't say it enough...boy do I love my God!!

Am I a creeper?

Such a random question but once you hear the reason why, you too would ask yourself the same thing. I have a slight, completely healthy obsession with Tim Tebow. I do believe that he could possibly be my soul mate...we have to meet first, of course. He is pretty, athletic and best of all he loves Jesus. What is there not to love about him? Now I don't have any Tiger Beat posters of him hanging in my room but I do think he is slightly amazing. [For those who don't know, Tiger Beat is a teenage girls magazine with posters of heart throbs in it. I don't imagine Tim Tebow would do a photo shoot for that type of publication anyway.] This past weekend we had a girls night where we watched the UT football game and carved pumpkins. Well we changed the UT game because they were dominating Mizzou and found the Florida game to be more interesting. Watching the Florida game inspired me to carve a football helmet out of my pumpkin and put a picture of Tim Tebow in it. We all thought it was genius and very funny but the more I tell people the more I feel like they are judging me. I would like to punch them in the face for judging me [joking of course] but I am also starting to feel like it might be as creepy as they think it is. I am going to stick with finding it extremely funny though, for the sake of my pride.

Why don't you take a look for yourself.
Here is my creation:

I should probably not get in the habit of going a month without a new post, I might bore some people. That is, if anyone actually reads this blog. I wonder if anyone does?? If you feel inclined to tell me, by all means please do. Leave me a comment and tell me! Haha.

Just because I have failed to blog does not mean God hasn't been turning some ashes into beauty recently! I just want to take a second a share an AMAZING, AMAZING quote that I was given after my new fitness class. Yes, I attended a fitness class. It was fun, more on that later though. Here it is:

"There is nothing- no circumstance, no trouble, no testing- that can ever touch me until, first of all, it has gone past God and past Christ, right through to me. If it has come that far, it has come with a great purpose, which I may not understand at the moment.

But as I refuse to become panicky, as I lift my eyes to Him, and accept it as coming from the throne of God for some great purpose of blessing to my own heart, no sorrow will ever disturb me, no trial will ever disarm me, no circumstance will cause me to fret, and I shall rest in the joy of what my Lord it.

That is the rest of victory."
-Alan Redpath
From: "Victorious Christian Living"
Fleming H. Revell 1955

If that doesn't bring a HUGE smile to your face while reading that I think there is something wrong with you. No but seriously, it is too good of a quote not to share.

Well that is all from me, better get back to work...

New season, going through the same motions.

Fall came back to Austin, Texas in a big way. After hot summer days with highs in the 100's, the first day of fall brought in rain, and dare I say it...a "cold front". Temperatures in the 60's and I wasn't sweating, woohoo! The seasons weren't the only things that were changing, God was also changing my thoughts and plans. I have become restless with what I want to do with my life.

For the past couple years I was a coach and that was my identity: Coach Barrera. I liked working with my girls every year and having them come to me for advice outside of sports, it was comforting to feel loved by so many wonderful girls! Coaching filled that void that I had after being frustrated with not being able to finish college. Even though I wasn't in school, I had a job that, to me, meant something and my self worth went through the roof! God took that away from me back in May '08. I should have seen it coming, after all I did pray for Him to shake up my life a little bit and He did just that!

I have spent the past year and a half running through the motions. I work two jobs on a daily basis, I am single and have about 0 responsibilities. Sounds good right, but somehow I still want more. I want a title again. Yesterday I began to think and my thoughts went a little something like this: Ok Trace (yes sometimes I call myself Trace), God brought you back to Austin for a reason, you are single for a reason, you have two jobs that are incredibly flexible for a reason...and what are you doing with all these "blessings"?

BLESSINGS????? I have spent the past 6 years seeing them as burdens NOT blessings!! I have spent the past 6 years trying to figure out what I am here for and why I haven't dated anyone in 2 and 1/2 years and why I don't have a title anymore?!?! See the theme: ME. ME. ME. I have pretty much spent the past several years doing the same things over and over: working my butt off and dwelling on all the "don't haves" in my life.

God is teaching me to have a "so what" attitude. So what I don't have a degree or a husband or a job in which I get a company credit card, I can still be used for anything. I have a stinkin' nice apartment, a dog that loves me even though I make fun of him, and I have a job that gives me sooo much extra time. And what do I do with that extra time? Nothing. Well that was until yesterday.

Yesterday I decided it was time to stop running through these motions, it's time to do something different and ACT on it. I decided I needed to stop looking at the volunteer opportunities on the church website and start signing up for some! I needed to stop dwelling on the fact that my life isn't like all the others I graduated high school with, it is different and it is about dang time I start making the most of it. I don't want to focus on all the things that haven't gone right and focus on all the things I can be doing and see where God takes me from there!

Oh, how good He is and how He never fails us. This should be fun! I wonder what it is like to live a life where the only thing that matters is what God wants you to do. I want to be successful in the eyes of my Lord and how can I do that when I am looking into the eyes of others?

Brotha!!

As I was flipping through iPhoto trying to organize some photos, I realized that a certain pose with my brother has become a reoccurring theme. Take a gander!

Fight Raiders Fight, Fight Raiders Fight...

Only one more week until the Texas Tech vs. Texas Football Game.
In memory of last years game, here is an AMAZING video!

Star struck for my Savior?

Today Jessica Alba came into Starbucks, needless to say we have been star struck ever since. We are bragging to all our friends and telling anyone that will listen. We have had a couple celebrities come in but I think she is by far the most famous. It was a cool experience, we played it cool and hopefully she will come back in since she is filming down the street.
It is interesting to find myself so star struck, I admit I have been a fan of her. I love her style and her movies are always good so what's not to like. On the drive home I got to thinking: "If I am this enamored by another human being, what will it be like when I come face to face with Jesus?" I don't think about eternity often, mainly because I get frustrated that I can't wrap my head around FOREVER! I also view eternity as a right instead of a gift. Since I grew up in the church I learned that when I die I will go to heaven, it seems like the next logical step instead of the greatest gift of all. I am not sure how messed up this will sound but sometimes I wish I came to know Christ in my early twenties, so that way I could know what it is like see a complete change in the life I was living. I would think that would make me ten times more excited to meet my Savior instead of the feelings I am struggling with now. I know I will be happy to meet Jesus, how could I not be, but while I am here on earth why does that thought not excite me as much as it should? Is something wrong with me? I love God so much it's ridiculous but why does the thought of eternity not surpass every other feeling in the world?
I have been dealing with a lot of junk, I have been letting other people's actions control my thoughts and feelings and I hate that we fall into that trap. I think the junk is over shadowing God's goodness and His power to overcome it all. I am working on cleaning up shop so that the Gospel will genuinely excite me! I know this started off as a blog about Jessica Alba and that quickly turned into a blog about eternity but that is just how God works. He uses certain experiences in our life to get us thinking about our relationship with Him. He is just that good!

Sunday evening stroll.

I decided that on this beautiful Sunday evening I would take a walk up to my neighborhood Starbucks just to talk to Dawn via iChat. I figured it would add some excitement to the situation instead of just sitting in my room. So I packed up my trusty North Face backpack and hit the road. About 5 minutes into the walk I realized that putting a lot of stuff in the bag was a bad idea, my back starting aching and like usual my knee was giving me a hard time, what a lovely way to start this evening stroll. In addition to that, I found myself playing on Facebook on my phone instead of taking in the sites. Man, God has really spruced up the place around the Arboretum, the trees are bright green and flowers everywhere. I felt bad for being zoned in on my phone...so I stopped.
I finally made it to Starbucks, well it only took 10 minutes I make it sound like it took an eternity, and I got my weekly mark out. For those of you who don't know, employees of Starbucks get one free pound of coffee or box of tea a week, and since I have an assortment of 14 teas at home and don't drink coffee I decided to get a pound for John. When I gave the cashier my "partner numbers" she seemed kinda skeptical about me actually working there. She asked "What store do you work at?" (and included a blank stare) and I politely replied with my store location when in reality I wanted to say "Woman, don't question me!" but I figure that would not be the Godly thing to do.
As I awkwardly searched the cafe for a place to sit (all the good spots were taken) I finally settled on a table nestled quietly near the window. I would be sitting very close to two guys but that is ok, they looked nice. I whipped out my MacBook (apparently it is the computer of choice amongst all the customers in here, we are a living Mac commercial) I searched for the ATT network connection and found one titled "Deaf Guy", I assume that it is the network belonging to the guys sitting next to me since they are deaf. I feel like a horrible person for finding this ironically funny (is that a phrase?) but I figure if they have a sense of humor about it then I can giggle a little too.
I didn't order a drink, I rarely ever order drinks at Starbucks mainly because I drink about 2 or 3 a day at work, but I did bring in one of my Awake tea bags from home, which had me question...Am I ghetto? Am I because I bring in my very own tea bag and use their internet? To add to that I asked for a tall cup of hot water and used their Splenda! I am trying to convince myself I am not since after all I am an employee of this corporate establishment. What do they expect from me after all? To pay for tea when I have a collection of my very own at home that I got from Starbucks? I will use that in my defense. So I am not ghetto, I am just economically smart. I know the in's and out's of this place, and I am using it to my advantage. There we go, problem solved.
I do enjoy that I probably look like I am writing some intense paper about predestination (been there, done that) but I am just blogging about stealing hot water from Starbucks and questioning my cheap tendencies...but no one has to know that. I am doing something that I find very important, I am contributing to my blog! I want to be a professional blog writer, one who sits in coffee shops and drinks tea while blogging about their daily mishaps. That's the life, but until then I will be the one who works behind the counter serving coffee and tea to those very important, lap top toting, writers. Jealous.

Wreck 'Em Tech!

In honor of the first game day for the 2009 Texas Tech football season, here are some crazy pictures that would only come from a football team up in West Texas!

Michael Crabtree interview on ESPN after his game winning touchdown against Texas! (2008)



Mike Leach's parking spot at the Texas Tech football stadium:



September Issue of Texas Monthly: Mike Leach is the best football coach in the country? I concur!

I want to fall in love with You.

I gave one of my best friends this little frog for her birthday last year, about a month later she found the guy she is planning on marrying. For my birthday she returned the gift to me hoping that I would have the same luck she did. It has been a month and so far nothing. I have yet to find my frog prince, I have yet to have someone find my glass slipper or have someone wake me from my sleep with a magical kiss; but I have found the love of my Savior, so why is that not enough? I love displaying this little frog on my counter because it reminds me that one of my best friends is so happy in love and that is awesome, but at the same time I am holding out that it brings me a little luck! :) I wish that I could wake up everyday and seek the love of my God instead of the love of man. I know that the love of my God is never ending and I will never ever run out of things to learn about Him, so I need to keep seeking...every day, every hour and every minute! By just writing this blog, God is letting me know that I need to seek His love and my frog prince will follow. So here is to a new adventure: seeking the LOVE of my God.

I will praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands.

An interesting thing just happened, I was googling pictures of thunder storms to add as a visual to this blog and I found something I wasn't expecting. First let me explain why I wanted a picture of a storm. This week has felt like my family has been placed in the middle of a storm, we received some unexpected news that my grandpa is sick and several tests and possible surgeries are being conducted. The hardest part is that he is in Georgia and we can't be there for him on a daily basis. When something like this happens, I do believe God is at work, but it is just hard to wait and see what He is up to. Ok, like I was saying, I just found the most amazing picture, here it is:
(This is a picture of a lion right before a storm.)

I love the way C.S. Lewis portrays God as Aslan in The Chronicles of Narnia, such a strong and mighty character! This photo makes me think of Him protecting me from this storm. It makes me feel like He is enduring all the strong winds so that I might find peace in His presence. What a wonderful God to serve! One that is so selfless, strong and mighty!! I am not going to lie, this sucks and it's hard but I have to constantly remind myself that God never fails and His plan is perfect, even when it's not what we want. So prayers are much appreciated and I can't thank you enough for them! :)

"I believe You're my Healer, I believe You are all I need. I believe You're my Portion, I believe You're more than enough for me, Jesus You're all I need."

I should not operate heavy machinery.

I did about the dumbest thing ever on Sunday night. I was driving down Mopac, going about 75 or 80, give or take a couple mph, and I was touching up my makeup on the way to my friends. I dropped my lip gloss and it landed under my passenger seat. So while I was driving I wanted to see if I could get it out from underneath...I failed. I got my arm stuck. So I began to panic, here I was driving down the highway, could barely see over the wheel and my arm was stuck! Go ahead, shake your head and laugh, I now realize that it was unsafe and incredibly stupid. Well in a panic I pulled my arm out as hard/fast as I could. I took off some skin and my arm has a huge bruise and is swollen. Geez I am special!

Here is a pic, can't see it too well, the swelling has gone down and the bruising is finally fading.
It still amazes me that the one time I was doing nothing while driving is the time I get in my huge wreck. I am thankful that God wants to keep me alive!

"I'm good God, but thanks anyway..."

Have you ever sat through a sermon that just convicts the crap out of you? Well if not podcast Austin Stone's sermon for this past Sunday and then answer that question again. We are focusing on a two week series called "And you are healed." Sounds amazing right? Everyone wants to be healed, but it is the process of getting there that makes me cringe! Matt spoke of a verse in James 5:16 that went a little something like this:
"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."
So....God wants me to confess my sins to other people, huh? Even all the dirty details that makes me look like a fake? I don't know about that. Through out the sermon God was speaking to me, actually it was more like he was standing in my face with a megaphone saying "Listen up girl, this is for you!!" Well I heard him, loud and clear, but I get scared when God speaks to me like that. I get scared because I know that when God speaks to me that clearly he means business, he is ready to wreck shop! He was telling me that the sin that I have been dealing with for the past several years needs to come to light and peace out. I like the sound of that, after all who wants to be burdened daily in their walk, but I don't know about telling other people about it. That scares me, to have someone look at me differently and know the real me. God knows the real me, and he still loves me but why am I scared to tell others. I cry out to my Savior often, but why can't I tell someone one little secret? Is my pride more important to me than the sin that is manifesting itself in my heart. Honestly, that seems to be the case. I wish I could tell God "No thank you." but he just keeps reminding me to confess. He reminds me through songs, sermons, and a variety of different things and I know he won't stop until I do what he asks.
I am pulling a Jonah right now, I am running the other way but I wonder what will be the big fish in my life that consumes me and makes me confess. I wish I could do it, I know that I am strong enough in Christ to do it...but I am just too scared to act on it.

So here I am, consumed with the struggle to just spit the words out.
I'm gonna do it...I have to.

Lake Travis Weekend!

This weekend I went out on Lake Travis with my small group from church, boy do I enjoy hanging out with them! We planned a trip out to a lake house for fun but who would have thought it would be a trip to overcome so many fears! Let me explain one of them...
I am not a big fan of water activities, it's not because I don't know how to swim it's because I have been traumatized! When I was about 5 or 6 years old I wasn't the Olympic swimmer of the kiddie pool, I was still hanging on to the sides but one day I decided to take a big tube out to the middle of the 7ft end. Needless to say I slipped through the inner tube and almost drowned. My dad had to jump in and save me...thankfully my sister noticed I was gone because no one else did! Even though he saved my life the first time, I blame my dad for this second traumatic experience. When I was about 7 or 8 (like how he gave me only a year to get over my almost drowning incident.) I went to Schlitterbahn with my dad, sister and other family members, I didn't want to ride any of the rides because I was a big wuss but I had to go on every single one because no one would stay and watch me. (Thanks for the love family!) Needless to say I was terrified and probably wet my suit, who knows since I was covered in water the whole time. I don't like anything to do with fast movements in water...plain and simple. So what did I do this weekend, I went out on the lake and conquered some fears! I like the lake though, it is like the Cadillac of water activities, second to the ocean of course. I think the lake is way classier than Schlitterbahn. Schlitterbahn makes me think of diseases, used band-aids and urinary tract infections, lovely I know...but it does. I am not a fan of a bunch of wet people walking around, eating, and carrying on with life as if being soggy and your skin pruning is no big deal. Bleh.

I am thankful that God has given me this group because instead of pointing and laughing at me, they really helped me get over the whole water activity thing. Allison, being the kind person that she is, was very patient in teaching me how to drive a jet ski. I may have started out going 10 mph but by the end of the end I was going 40, jumping waves and making fast turns. She is my guardian water angel.

Another fear of mine: heights. It scares me so much I don't even like to see people leaning over the side of railings, I freak out and close my eyes. God blessed me with the courage of a chihuahua, it's just something I have learned to accept. But this weekend I had no choice but to conquer that fear if I wanted to get down to the boat dock. Our friends house sat on top of a very tall hill and the only way down to the lake was by a steep tram and walking down steep steps. I will attach pictures so you will grasp the whole experience and see just how scary it was. I must admit, I did crawl back up the steps so I am still working on it...baby steps.

Photots for your viewing pleasure:

25 things I've learned/experienced by the age of 25.

On Wednesday I turned 25 and it got me thinking...what have I learned/experienced in the past year leading up to my 25th birthday? Well I made a list (in no specific order):

1. God has shown me the true meaning of a "church family". I have been apart of a church all my life but it hasn't been until I joined a small group at Austin Stone that I now know what it is like to live in Christ with one another. I can count on these girls for prayer or meeting up for coffee just to talk and get weekly encouragement. How awesome! My church family does not only include my small group but God has given me a ton of different friends that attend the same church as I do. It is awesome to live a life surrounded by people who serve the same God!


2. I have learned that no matter how much my heart aches, God's grace is that much better!

3. I have also learned that God gives you friends in the most unlikely places. He turned "enemies" and strangers into some pretty significant people in my life.

4. I learned how to make Indian food with my small group:


5. I have learned that my "little" brother is not so little anymore. I now use him as a form of protection....and that is weird!


6. I think that my dog's intestines are made of steel. Seriously, I have learned that he can eat anything and not die. Examples: A platter of chocolate cup cakes, a 2 week old piece of chicken, 2 of his collars and numerous chew toys.


7. You are never too old to get slapped around a bit by your mom when you sass her.

8. I have learned that even though you aren't texting or putting on make up you can still get into a very serious car accident that totals your car!!!

(Doesn't look bad from this angle, but the other side was demolished after my SUV flipped on its side and slid on the pavement for several yards before landing on top of a stop sign! I am still a tad bit bitter.)

9. I now know that even when you are taken out of your comfort zone and feel alone...God is ALWAYS there!

10. God takes away a job or a someone you care about so that you grow closer to Him in your suffering.

11. The Tech vs. UT football game is by far one of the BEST sporting events I have ever attended!!!!



(Such a great day it deserves 3 pictures!)

12. I have learned that when you experience something that completely wrecks your mind it can only be a God thing!!! That is such an awesome feeling, to experience something you can't explain in your own words!

13. I now know that if you take long enough to exit the highway while getting pulled over by DPS they might just get annoyed with you and drive off. I was just trying to find a safe place for him to get out of his car instead of on the side of I-35...geez!!

14. I have experienced the joys of iChatting and it is now one of my addictions.



15. I experienced my first wedding that wasn't for a relative but my very own friend. My first friend to get married followed by many others!


16. I have learned that when you take on my family, if you mess with the bull you get the horns. I learned that lesson courtesy of private school moms. Just sayin...

17. I have experienced my very first road trip with friends! Weird huh? It took almost 25 years for me to take a trip with only friends, no family. Haha.


18. I learned that I don't need to be on the other side of the world to do Christ's work. I am where I am because He is using me, and it is awesome to see that!!

19. I have heard God calling me by name, assuring me that He who began a good work in me will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus (Phil. 1:6). AMAZING.

20. I learned how to assemble a book case...and it only took me 3 hours using nothing but a Swiss Army knife. Yikes.

21. I now know better than to spend 4 years living in an apartment on the 3rd floor...because it takes 5 looooong days to clean it out!!!

22. I have FINALLY experienced kayaking on Town lake. What an awesome thing to do!

23. I discovered the addiction that is BRAVO TV! Who knew so many good shows existed?!?!?!

24. I have finally watched a full season of The Office!

25. I know that my God is mighty to save.

The end.

Ok God, you got me. I'm back.

To say that the past couple of weeks have been hard would be an understatement. I have allowed myself to be in a situation that was neither glorifying to God or respectful to myself. Let's just say I've been down right selfish. I could justify my actions by saying that "I'm only human" but at the same time a voice inside screams "You are a human that loves Jesus!! It's time to get it right and stay that way!!" Ok little voice, you win.

I am only human, and I do fail, but as a Christian it is my job to take that excuse and bury it. "I'm only human" just isn't cutting it anymore. That excuse has caused me too many tears, too much regret and more than enough sorrow. Christ came to offer me the gift of salvation so that in return I would not have to be burdened by that excuse. That is the best gift I have ever received, so why don't I act like it? Why can't I live my life basking in the glory of my Savior instead of hiding in the shadows of my sin...

I feel like I have a weird relationship with my God. I love him, boy do I love him, but I can't seem to keep myself focused on him. I acknowledge him daily but I also let other people get in the way. I have a tendency of keeping God at an arms length when things are good only to find that I soon get knocked back down on my face to see that my God is still in control. So here is what I have to say: "Ok God, I am here! You have me on my knees, on my face, don't you see the worry?? What do you ask of me this time??" God hasn't answered me just yet, I think it is because I was being a little bit demanding. I can just see God saying "Oh no she didn't" but only in the nicest way possible because that's just how he is!

If I was face to face with God right now, still wallowing in my self pity and somehow being stupid enough to ignore the fact that I was in the presence of his glory, I see the conversation going something like this:

Me: Ok God, you got me. I'm back. Was that last heartache really necessary?
God: I love you my child and I just want you to see that you have that already, no need to search for it.
Me: Yes, I know you love me but why can't I just have earthly love too...just this once? I promise I will love you too.
God: You promise me every time, but I have yet to take the front seat in your relationships.
Me: That was then, this is now. Pinky promise. I am on my knees, doesn't that count for something??
God: Everything I do is for your good, I will never hurt you. All things work together for my glory.
Me: Touche God, touche.

Eventually I have to give up, quit the charade and give in. I try to give in every time but I only do it half heartedly. What if this time I dive in head first? Surrender my desires to God and be completely content with only the things he supplies me with? Oh what a life that would be. Here we go, round 2 of getting out of that pit.

You're so perfect, I'm so broken. Here You come with arms wide open, chasing after me down every road. You're always waiting there.

Ran-dumb.

It's time for some funny stuff. Things that have no purpose or meaning. Things that you don't have to contemplate on. Let's get it.

Dawn:
"What is the opposite of caring?"
Me:
"Uh...uncaring."

"I once dated a guy that reeked of Lucifer." (It's true, he was just down right evil.)

While out to dinner with the family:
Matthew: (yells in the restaurant) "Aw man, I got beans on my face!"

Leslie:
"You date guys that lift weights and I date guys that are skinny and look like they are on drugs."

Pictures John sends me via BlackBerry Messenger to cheer me up lol:




I am not the vulgar type, but this is just funny. Look at the sticker next to the McCain one:

I Don't Date [Revisited]

I once read a blog written by a girl titled "I don't date." The title alone captured my attention and I thought to myself "How could a girl my age not want to date?" As I proceeded to read, I discovered that this girl knows her stuff! Her heart longed for a relationship but she was discovering it in her Creator not mankind. She was being patient with her prayers and seeking God daily instead of a guy to date. After reading this I immediately thought "I want that!!" Easier said than done. Funny how we can speak things with such conviction but we are too scared to act upon it.

I told myself I was going to change my heart, but when it came down to doing it I failed. I failed because it is uncomfortable, and it is hard! Don't get me wrong, I love my God with all my heart, but I have fears and sometimes I let my fears be bigger than my God. It has been over a year and I have not done what I wanted to do. I do that way more often than I should, I rest in my comfort zone even when that zone becomes hazardous. One of my wisest friends once told me this last time I didn't follow God's calling: "Traci, you have to listen to what God is telling you, because if you don't he will pick you up and put you right where He wants you. It is going to be hard for you to adjust at first but it will be great in the end." I should really learn my lesson.

This past week God has picked me up and put me in a place that I don't like: Disappointment. I think He allowed me to continue down my path of dating around so that I could learn a bigger lesson. I think that lesson is "Do what you promise God you are going to do!" I think it took disappointment in dating for me to feel a stirring in my heart. I believe that it is natural for my heart to long for comfort, but I wasn't searching in the right place. I read God's word and I worshiped, but I wasn't letting it sink into the core of my heart.

I am trying to adjust to the change God has brought in my life. I don't like where I am at, but I am excited to find out what I will learn this time. My heart aches but it is aching for Him. I am yearning for Him to fix this mess. I am learning that sometimes being broken is the best form of worship. I am uncomfortable, broken and anxious but so far I am finding that it is the perfect place to begin a change in my heart.

Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?

The ridiculousness just keeps on coming!!

Goodness!

These six horrific "young adults" are why I now believe physical punishment should still be allowed in schools. Watch the show for 5 minutes and you too will be converted!


NYC Prep on Bravo TV

how great You are.

I often wonder how many people notice a particular theme in my writings on this blog. It is very rare that I will blog about anything other than my relationship with God on here. I don't like to share the messy details of my love life or the struggles of just being me unless it brings God the glory in the end. I think this stems from having to keep my life semi-private for 5 years because I knew students would be all up in my business via FaceBook or MySpace, and even though I don't work at HP anymore, I still like to keep it personal. In addition to that I am just generally not an emotional person in public.

Now what is the purpose of this posting you say? I don't know, I say. I have a lot of personal things going on, and while it would feel nice to vent to the whole world about it and receive pity and praise I just can't bring myself to do it. It'd feel too weird, too selfish...so I just write about God. I write about God to distract me from the things that trouble me; I love it because God isn't selfish, he isn't pathetic sounding, he doesn't whine and complain, and he doesn't lose hope sometimes. But I do and focusing on Him makes that all go away. So after writing only two short paragraphs I feel better about things. It is amazing how God blesses you with an interest in something, in my case writing, in order to provide you with comfort and his peace. Amazing.



then sings my soul, my Savior God to thee, how great thou art.

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Lord,

Thank you for being my Heavenly Father even though I stumble on a daily basis. Thank you for your gift of salvation and that I get to spend eternity with you! :)

You are awesome!
Love,
Traci

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...Ya, I Wish!

I am aware that I serve a big God, I know that my God is huge and he makes stuff happen. If I am so sure of this why can't I bring him the small stuff and trust that he will handle it. I have a tendency to sweat the small stuff, and boy do I sweat buckets over it, but when it comes to the big stuff I am the first one to jump head first! Jesus is the way to eternal life? Sign me up! God can do big things in the city? I'm in! God is mighty to save? Praise Jesus! God can handle my relationships, my job security and my finances? Um....ya sounds good.... .

I feel like my relationship with God has grown leaps and bounds over the past two years but there is still something I struggle with and can't shake off: Not worrying about the small things on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong, I know without a doubt that my God can provide for me, it is just a matter of letting go and allowing him to do it HIS WAY. God's way is without a doubt better than my way, but I can't let go of "my way" because I get it. I can understand my way, it doesn't confuse me. However, since I can not fully understand God's thinking because he is way bigger than me it makes me hesitant. I am hesitant to trust a God who has delivered millions out of captivity....how does that make sense. Well it doesn't, that is why God is great and I am not. I get all of these things, I struggle with all of these thoughts and feelings but I just can't let go. I don't want to let go of my controlling tendencies!

I want to control who I am dating and where I am working. I want to control what other people think about me and where I am going in life. I want, I want, I want. I understand that as sinners we all still have selfish desires for our life, but I am trying hard to shake this controlling behavior because it is just ridiculous. I need to realize that the same God I trust to serve for eternity is the same God that will provide for my present needs and wants.

and the cry of my heart is to bring You praise from the inside out Lord my soul cries out.

Call me crazy but...

does anyone else see a strange resemblance between Cindy Lou Who (from: How The Grinch Stole Christmas) and Spencer Pratt?