Fall came back to Austin, Texas in a big way. After hot summer days with highs in the 100's, the first day of fall brought in rain, and dare I say it...a "cold front". Temperatures in the 60's and I wasn't sweating, woohoo! The seasons weren't the only things that were changing, God was also changing my thoughts and plans. I have become restless with what I want to do with my life.
For the past couple years I was a coach and that was my identity: Coach Barrera. I liked working with my girls every year and having them come to me for advice outside of sports, it was comforting to feel loved by so many wonderful girls! Coaching filled that void that I had after being frustrated with not being able to finish college. Even though I wasn't in school, I had a job that, to me, meant something and my self worth went through the roof! God took that away from me back in May '08. I should have seen it coming, after all I did pray for Him to shake up my life a little bit and He did just that!
I have spent the past year and a half running through the motions. I work two jobs on a daily basis, I am single and have about 0 responsibilities. Sounds good right, but somehow I still want more. I want a title again. Yesterday I began to think and my thoughts went a little something like this: Ok Trace (yes sometimes I call myself Trace), God brought you back to Austin for a reason, you are single for a reason, you have two jobs that are incredibly flexible for a reason...and what are you doing with all these "blessings"?
BLESSINGS????? I have spent the past 6 years seeing them as burdens NOT blessings!! I have spent the past 6 years trying to figure out what I am here for and why I haven't dated anyone in 2 and 1/2 years and why I don't have a title anymore?!?! See the theme: ME. ME. ME. I have pretty much spent the past several years doing the same things over and over: working my butt off and dwelling on all the "don't haves" in my life.
God is teaching me to have a "so what" attitude. So what I don't have a degree or a husband or a job in which I get a company credit card, I can still be used for anything. I have a stinkin' nice apartment, a dog that loves me even though I make fun of him, and I have a job that gives me sooo much extra time. And what do I do with that extra time? Nothing. Well that was until yesterday.
Yesterday I decided it was time to stop running through these motions, it's time to do something different and ACT on it. I decided I needed to stop looking at the volunteer opportunities on the church website and start signing up for some! I needed to stop dwelling on the fact that my life isn't like all the others I graduated high school with, it is different and it is about dang time I start making the most of it. I don't want to focus on all the things that haven't gone right and focus on all the things I can be doing and see where God takes me from there!
Oh, how good He is and how He never fails us. This should be fun! I wonder what it is like to live a life where the only thing that matters is what God wants you to do. I want to be successful in the eyes of my Lord and how can I do that when I am looking into the eyes of others?
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