Hard Questions.

Every now and then a topic comes along and buries itself in my mind. I can't stop thinking about it, I dwell on it and it manifests itself in my every day thoughts. For some reason this topic was a big one, one that I would need God's help in trying to figure out: How do I know there is a God? Why do I believe what I believe? Woah, talk about big stuff. Why was God putting this in my mind? I know that I believe so why was he wanting me to explain it...to myself? Why did the thoughts cross my mind everyday? I couldn't figure out why I kept thinking about that question, it's not like I live in a land where I defend my faith on a daily basis. I have been a believer for awhile and no one has ever flat out asked me that question (until now). I began thinking of bullet points that would outline the sequence of thoughts if I was ever to be approached with that question. All I could come up with was things that I had felt or heard from God. How do you explain to someone that you feel God, or hear Him? A unbeliever would think I sit around petting and talking to a burning bush, and that is just absurd. You never want to start out witnessing to someone with them thinking you are crazy, I just don't see that playing out very well. So I began to get frustrated, I wanted to be poetic like C.S. Lewis and spitting out theology left and right like Mark Driscoll, but I am just Traci and I am neither poetic or a theologian, so I had to put my feelings into words. With God leading the way I couldn't go wrong, right? Riiiighhht.

I was contacted via email by a guy who wanted to know more about my faith, he was confused and wanted answers. Well, this is what God was preparing me for and this was His time to shine. After a couple email exchanges, the time came (last night) when I got asked about my faith. Dun dun dun, all those thoughts and feelings had to be put into words, where would I begin, how would I say "God spoke to me" without sounding like a complete loon. Well, I put myself aside and prayed that the Holy Spirit would speak through me, that the words I typed out would not be my own but His. In the end I wanted to say "these are God's words, not mine." So I began to type, my fingers were like speed demons, no pun intended, and the Holy Spirit was on a roll.

I thought it would be cool to share our conversation so far. I understand that I am not perfect, I am not a preacher and my response might not meet up to your expectations but I know God is working through this and that is good enough for me. :) This guy will be known as "guy" and I will not reveal who is he or where he is from, I want to keep this private and sacred because it is so stinkin cool for God to be doing this!!

Guy: I would love to be encouraged by your faith. I am confused and would like to hear your take on God.

Traci: No need to be confused, the best thing about Him is that you can come as you are and He transforms your life. :)

Guy: I have known him and can't understand a lot of things. I just believed whatever the pastor said before, and found a lot of flaws. Yahweh which is the Hebrew name for God demands faith which I know you understand. However, there are so many things in the bible that are not logical. On the flip side, there are so many things that make sense to me. The only thing right now that keeps me still drawn in, is fear of the eternal flames that have been embedded in my mind.

Traci: This is a pretty loaded email, and while I don't have all the answers I feel like I can pass along some things to you that can give you peace and maybe breathe a little
lighter about the situation.

I know you said that you don't understand a lot of things and they don't seem logical so I am not going to bombard you with a lot of theology. That is the great part about "knowing" God, to be a believer you don't have to be a Bible scholar, it's about faith and trust and believing that what He did on the cross was true. When you believe that and your relationship with God begins to grow, He starts revealing things to you. I am not talking about God speaking in a booming voice and burning bushes, I think God speaks to me when I have convictions or guilt, or when something just clicks in my mind that I know I am not capable of coming up with myself. I know there is a God, not because I have seen Him but because I feel Him, I feel Him when I don't want to be nice to people but I know that I have to, or when I help people in need even if I am struggling financially or just not in the mood. The gospel isn't about rules, it is acknowledging that we are broken and in need of a Savior, it is when you give up your need to figure everything out that you can really enjoy that relationship with God. It becomes intimate and personal. Even when I have a bad day, or I feel guilt and regret, it is so awesome to have that voice in the back of my mind that says it's ok and God is bigger, and that voice is the Holy Spirit.

I have been a Christian for almost 16 years and I still don't understand all the scientific and theological facts behind some Bible stories but I just trust that everything in God's word in true and perfect. If I believe that the Gospel saves me, and that is from God's word, then I have to have a peace about all the other things the Bible says as well, it is not my place to pick and choose what I can believe.

I hope this helps you out a little bit, and like I said the more you spend time seeking God (in prayer or in His word) He will begin to speak to you, help you understand and all the doubts begin to fade and you just have this desire to learn more about Him.

God's word has promised us that as a believer we don't have to worry about those eternal flames. He has conquered and overcome it and it is through His mercy that we are saved from that! Pretty awesome, huh? :)

I hope this helps you a bit, and I know I don't have all the answers but please feel free to ask anything else.

Hope you had a good day!
Traci


So that is how I explained my faith, with no theology required. While I love theology, and learning more about God, I just couldn't put the way I see and feel God into big holy words. I experienced something more than that a couple years ago, I experienced grace, love and mercy. I experienced forgiveness when I shouldn't have been forgiven at all. God could have left me in that pit, but He called me out and hasn't let go of me since. Shouldn't everyone hear about of those feelings? :)

Feel free to shield your eyes

So as I was walking through Borders this afternoon I spotted the cover to Miley Cyrus' new album and all I could say was "Why?" If you haven't seen it yet, here it is:



So many things are wrong with this picture, where do I begin?
1. Does anyone in this girl's life know that she is only 17?
2. Why is she squinting so hard? Did she drop her glasses?
3. Was it hard for her not to drool while she was trying way too hard to make her lips look "sexy"?
4. Did she really name her album Can't Be Tamed? Because you are 17, I'm pretty sure you can be tamed, it's called being grounded.
5. This picture looks a lot like this:


Did she not see Britney Spears: True Hollywood Story on E! ? Doesn't she know how this story will end??? Someone get this girl a Tiger Beat magazine, some Twilight books, a Mustang and whatever else 17 year olds are into these days!!

Confessions of a (former) Shopaholic

When people are addicted to things, most find themselves in rehab or counseling, "Hi my name is Traci, and I am addicted to...shopping." How lame, shopping, it's not even a "pity" addiction, one where people feel sorry for you for falling down a pit of drugs, alcohol or sex. It's shopping!! No one is going to say "Oh Traci, I feel so bad for you that you buy all the stuff you want and have cute clothes and designer purses." Nope, no one feels sorry for that. So I didn't tell anyone, and no I am not in rehab for it.

My sister used to give me a hard time about it because there wasn't a day that I wouldn't come home with something, whether it be a new dress, a pair of shoes or a purse. Who buys that kind of stuff everyday?! I did.

How did this happen? When did this all begin? Well, I blame my mom (sorry mom). Growing up my mom and grandma gave my sister and I everything we wanted. We would come home from Dillards with giant bags of clothes, and it didn't help that I had to match everything so that required even more color options for shoes, dresses and hair bows. Well as I got older I justified all my spending habits by saying "I work hard, I have two jobs after all..." Excuses. Well it got worse, if that is even possible, I "fell into some money". I never got that phrase, how do you fall into something, anyway I did and my spending habits got even worse! I was buying all the things I had been wanting, a new North Face jacket or tickets to a Denver Nuggets game, lots and lots of things. Did any of that extra money go to tithing? No.

I spent several months buying things I didn't really need, going out to eat every other day and buying friends expensive gifts (which I doubt they objected to). Only a tiny portion of that money, that I somehow fell into, went towards helping others. And it was a lot of money...

After I spent that extra money I began having convictions about how I spent it, and how I managed to blow through it so fast. I wasn't completely foolish, I do know how to manage money. The money I made from work went towards bills and other responsibilities and the money that I was given went towards me. I think back on all the things I could have spent it on, all the selfless ways I could have supported others but no, all I could think about was me, after all I did work so hard, right?

So as I began to struggle with this feeling of regret and disappointment, God began working in my heart to create a new outlook on material items and possessions. I don't go shopping everyday, I don't have the urge to buy something every time I walk into a store and I don't obsess over money. All it took was a little prayer, a little patience and a lot of God! God restores, He restores the places that we aren't strong enough to fix. He directs our hearts and our minds towards Him and when that happens everything else just seems so silly. I didn't do a thing, God changed my desires and my focus. He made that phase of constant shopping and obsessing over "new things" fade away, and they no longer control me. The last time I bought a new item of clothing was 3 weeks ago, and I am okay with that. I don't feel like I need to constantly reward myself for all my hard work, because it's not about me. He has replaced my thoughts of wanting new clothes or shoes and instead I just can't seem to justify spending that much on things when I think of places I could donate to with that much money. Those aren't my own thoughts, instead it is the work of the Cross and the realization we come to when God is restoring our hearts.

So God has renewed another part of my life, and He has a long way to go before He is finished with me, but I am glad that I serve a God who is patient and forgiving. He still loves me even though I have a tendency to take my time. God is waiting for me to put every distraction aside and just be content with Him.