Confessions of a (former) Shopaholic

When people are addicted to things, most find themselves in rehab or counseling, "Hi my name is Traci, and I am addicted to...shopping." How lame, shopping, it's not even a "pity" addiction, one where people feel sorry for you for falling down a pit of drugs, alcohol or sex. It's shopping!! No one is going to say "Oh Traci, I feel so bad for you that you buy all the stuff you want and have cute clothes and designer purses." Nope, no one feels sorry for that. So I didn't tell anyone, and no I am not in rehab for it.

My sister used to give me a hard time about it because there wasn't a day that I wouldn't come home with something, whether it be a new dress, a pair of shoes or a purse. Who buys that kind of stuff everyday?! I did.

How did this happen? When did this all begin? Well, I blame my mom (sorry mom). Growing up my mom and grandma gave my sister and I everything we wanted. We would come home from Dillards with giant bags of clothes, and it didn't help that I had to match everything so that required even more color options for shoes, dresses and hair bows. Well as I got older I justified all my spending habits by saying "I work hard, I have two jobs after all..." Excuses. Well it got worse, if that is even possible, I "fell into some money". I never got that phrase, how do you fall into something, anyway I did and my spending habits got even worse! I was buying all the things I had been wanting, a new North Face jacket or tickets to a Denver Nuggets game, lots and lots of things. Did any of that extra money go to tithing? No.

I spent several months buying things I didn't really need, going out to eat every other day and buying friends expensive gifts (which I doubt they objected to). Only a tiny portion of that money, that I somehow fell into, went towards helping others. And it was a lot of money...

After I spent that extra money I began having convictions about how I spent it, and how I managed to blow through it so fast. I wasn't completely foolish, I do know how to manage money. The money I made from work went towards bills and other responsibilities and the money that I was given went towards me. I think back on all the things I could have spent it on, all the selfless ways I could have supported others but no, all I could think about was me, after all I did work so hard, right?

So as I began to struggle with this feeling of regret and disappointment, God began working in my heart to create a new outlook on material items and possessions. I don't go shopping everyday, I don't have the urge to buy something every time I walk into a store and I don't obsess over money. All it took was a little prayer, a little patience and a lot of God! God restores, He restores the places that we aren't strong enough to fix. He directs our hearts and our minds towards Him and when that happens everything else just seems so silly. I didn't do a thing, God changed my desires and my focus. He made that phase of constant shopping and obsessing over "new things" fade away, and they no longer control me. The last time I bought a new item of clothing was 3 weeks ago, and I am okay with that. I don't feel like I need to constantly reward myself for all my hard work, because it's not about me. He has replaced my thoughts of wanting new clothes or shoes and instead I just can't seem to justify spending that much on things when I think of places I could donate to with that much money. Those aren't my own thoughts, instead it is the work of the Cross and the realization we come to when God is restoring our hearts.

So God has renewed another part of my life, and He has a long way to go before He is finished with me, but I am glad that I serve a God who is patient and forgiving. He still loves me even though I have a tendency to take my time. God is waiting for me to put every distraction aside and just be content with Him.