I Don't Date [Revisited]

I once read a blog written by a girl titled "I don't date." The title alone captured my attention and I thought to myself "How could a girl my age not want to date?" As I proceeded to read, I discovered that this girl knows her stuff! Her heart longed for a relationship but she was discovering it in her Creator not mankind. She was being patient with her prayers and seeking God daily instead of a guy to date. After reading this I immediately thought "I want that!!" Easier said than done. Funny how we can speak things with such conviction but we are too scared to act upon it.

I told myself I was going to change my heart, but when it came down to doing it I failed. I failed because it is uncomfortable, and it is hard! Don't get me wrong, I love my God with all my heart, but I have fears and sometimes I let my fears be bigger than my God. It has been over a year and I have not done what I wanted to do. I do that way more often than I should, I rest in my comfort zone even when that zone becomes hazardous. One of my wisest friends once told me this last time I didn't follow God's calling: "Traci, you have to listen to what God is telling you, because if you don't he will pick you up and put you right where He wants you. It is going to be hard for you to adjust at first but it will be great in the end." I should really learn my lesson.

This past week God has picked me up and put me in a place that I don't like: Disappointment. I think He allowed me to continue down my path of dating around so that I could learn a bigger lesson. I think that lesson is "Do what you promise God you are going to do!" I think it took disappointment in dating for me to feel a stirring in my heart. I believe that it is natural for my heart to long for comfort, but I wasn't searching in the right place. I read God's word and I worshiped, but I wasn't letting it sink into the core of my heart.

I am trying to adjust to the change God has brought in my life. I don't like where I am at, but I am excited to find out what I will learn this time. My heart aches but it is aching for Him. I am yearning for Him to fix this mess. I am learning that sometimes being broken is the best form of worship. I am uncomfortable, broken and anxious but so far I am finding that it is the perfect place to begin a change in my heart.

Why are you looking for love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?