Must love homeless people

If I was to ever put out a personal ad in the newspaper, which I never would, it would read:

Single, (not really) white female seeks single, (not a jerk) male. Must love homeless people.

Seems like an odd request, right? It also seems like I don't really have high standards, I could add to that list but it might take away from my main point. I think you can tell a lot about a person's character by the way they treat homeless people. I would like to find someone who would possess those qualities that are shown when you help someone less fortunate: kindness, gentleness, selflessness, compassion. As I get older and find myself being more and more picky (not in a bad way) about the type of guys I want to associate myself with, I can't help but think this would be such an amazing quality to seek after. The way he serves others.
This sounds so romantic and glorious, like we would click instantly and then drive off into the sunset to some amazing Dierks Bentley song. However, it doesn't always work out that way. Just trust me on this one, I once went out on a date with a guy who told me a cool story about how he served a homeless man...then he turned out to be kinda shady. It was awesome.

As if my first dates weren't awkward enough, could you imagine breaking the ice with: "So, how do you feel about homeless people?" I guess I will never know until I try.

So heres to another year of singleness, or the possibility of finding a guy who finds this as cool as I do.


“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’ " -Matthew 25:34-40

what do i know of Holy?

Throughout the day I have these random things that happen to me and I think I need to blog about that!! So I grab my little notebook out of my purse and I jot down ideas: say this, explain that, make this joke, mention this person, and so on. Well not one of those blog ideas has made it on to this page. It is very interesting actually, because I think it would be some good material. You would enjoy it, trust me. And now that I sound like a conceited jerk, I think that is exactly why they haven't made it on to this page, because I would be writing for my own glory so that you the reader would say: "Dang, she's funny. I like this girl." Every time I sit down to blog I get inspired to write about something else, something that is honest and shows the wonderful faithfulness of God, I just end up being stripped down to nothing and you get to see the real me. The girl who wanted to fight over Twitter, the one who has road rage, I talked about boobs in a blog about creation...you get to see my ashes but you also get to see the beauty. You get to see the beauty of knowing God. You get to see the ashes left from being dirty, messy and selfish but the beauty of the redeeming love of Christ. My ashes and His beauty.

I sometimes feel like I have this Christian thing down. I have experienced this awesome transformation of my heart through a broken relationship. I have experienced healing, forgiveness and redemption. My testimony just got ten times better and now it doesn't sound so boring!! (yes I really thought that at one point). I don't know all the theology but I can comprehend the Trinity, and I read books by Mark Driscoll so I should be golden, right? Right? Ummm...right? No. Wrong. I am wrong. I admit it. I know religion, I even know scripture but I haven't fully grasped it. And I realized this just now, as I sat down to blog about some random daily story it just hit me. God just hit me. Well, not literally because that would be weird but the thought of God's awesomeness, His bigness (is that a word?), His love, it just all hit me. How you ask? As I'm listening to songs shuffle on iTunes, I hear lyrics from a song by Addison Road that say:

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees."

That's me!! I don't want it to be me, but it is! I get so wrapped up in my daily life that I think reading a few C.S. Lewis tweets here and there will feed me spiritually. Subscribing to podcasts, buying Christian books, listening to the Spirit 105.9, reading Stuff Christians Like...that is my "daily bread". Sad isn't it. I go through the motions and I don't have quiet time and this is the stuff that feeds me. Don't get me wrong, it is all good stuff but it's not the Word. The Word will bring peace, rest and joy. The other stuff just fills me for about an hour, then I am back to be anxious, frustrated or stressed. Filling my life with "christian things" is kind of like eating chinese food, it's awesome and tastes good but two hours later I am hungry again and I want more. It didn't fill me, it didn't nourish my body and it wasn't the real deal for me. (Yes, I did just make that analogy but trust me I don't hate on chinese food...it's so good!) I will only experience the real deal, the real holiness of God if I spend time in the word. I can quote, retweet and share links with the best of them, but do I really know Holy? Do I know this:

"What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?"

It's a bitter pill to swallow when you think you are so in love with God and you realize that you don't know of this holiness. I have heard of it, I have experienced my share of cleansing in His love, but I don't know Holy.

So I want to challenge myself, make myself work for it and pray for it, I want to wake up every morning and ask:

"What do I know of HOLY?"

I don't only want to speak about it, I don't want to be fake about it, I want to know about it.

Blessings,
Traci

Things.

For now this is my blog layout, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit, actually. I have spent the past several days trying to find the perfect layout, I wanted one that would resemble a Word Press blog but I couldn't find one, so I settled...for now. It is amazing how much I stressed and worried about what my blog would look like. I wanted it to look legit, official, and stylin', but I have learned that is the words that I say, well the one's that God wants me to say, is really the only thing that matters. He could use this to speak to people if it was completely blank and plain. So that's all really. I have been super busy lately so I am sorry if you visit this page expecting something new, and instead just keep seeing different messed up layouts. Hopefully that has kept you entertained since I I have seriously been lacking in the writing department.
So until next time,
Adios.

Hello? Hola? Aloha?

Who reads this?

Who are you?

Where are you from?

How has God turned your ashes into beauty?

Tell me.

Please.

I want to know who actually reads this or am I just writing to a fake audience out there??

Just curious. :)

You give and take away

If there has been one lesson that I have learned in the past 24 hours, it would be best described by lyrics to a Matt Redman song:

"You give and take away, my heart will choose to say: Lord, blessed be Your name"

I feel like in the past 24 hours, I have just been a hot mess. I'm talking train wreck material here. When you have a string of bad luck it is hard not to dwell on it, get discouraged, pout, cry, scream, whatever your choice of "pity me" drama might be. When I get frustrated I revert back to the 3 year old version of myself, the one who spilled my drink all over my jeans on a plane ride to California, I screamed, I cried, I took my pants off and ran around the plane, except 23 years later I have learned to keep my pants on...I know I am not an attractive crier, I can't imagine me being pants-less would make the situation any more cute. I let frustration get the best of me sometimes, so after my string of bad luck I couldn't help but think today: "My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." This is the horror God has so graciously helped me endure over the past 24 hours: Blessed be your name when I spill my iced coffee all down the front of my new white v-neck tee. Blessed be your name when I proceed to walk across the parking lot to a Wal-Mart to buy a Tide pen and my BlackBerry went sliding out of my hand and across the cement. Blessed be your name when the Tide pen left (big) splotchy off-white colored stains all down the front of my shirt. (NEXT DAY) Blessed by your name when I am in line at a Starbucks and an old man asks me if I am wearing my bath robe when I really just wore one of my favorite dresses and paired it with jeans because it was cool outside. Blessed be your name when the two drinks I bought flip upside down on the way to work and my car now smells like soy milk. And finally, blessed be your name when I am just sad, feel hopeless, discouraged, confused, annoyed, aggravated, and lonely.

Those words speak truth to me today, because I know that He gives but He also takes away, and He will only ever take away to replace it with His glory. His glory is worth walking around drenched in coffee. His glory is worth a busted up phone. His glory is worth a fashion disaster. His glory is worth making me less so that He may be greater. I have no problem going through these things if that's what it takes to remind me of His infinite love and goodness. I get so stuck on myself, that I forget to dwell on His goodness, instead of dwelling on my misfortune.

So as I sit here, in my "bath robe", drinking only half a cup of a soy latte, and dreading going back into my car after work only to be suffocated by the fumes of old milk, I can only think: "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say: Lord, blessed be Your name"

*Disclaimer: The massive consumption of coffee within the past two days comes from major lack of sleep. I still refuse to become an all out coffee drinker, I am simply testing out the waters, "getting my toes wet", so to speak.*

He's not finished with me yet

If I may be cheesy for a moment and borrow a line from a Gwen Stefani song to back up this blog post, you will have a better understanding of where I am coming from:

"It's my life, don't you forget."

Okay, now I will just add a little Christian spin on it and say: "It's my life, well the one that God planned for me, don't you forget." There, that's much better. (Hopefully I don't get slapped with a lawsuit for some sort for tampering with copyrighted lyrics, I will let you know how that plays out if so.) I prefer the "christian version" of the song better, because it reminds me that the life I am living is the life that God created for me, just for me. Lately I have been struggling with living a life that has been created by others, meeting their expectations and gaining their approval. What a sad and empty life if you really think about it, but why do so many of us still try to pursue it? Why are we (me) so easily swayed, broken down, molded and influenced by so many other people, and not so easily by Jesus?

Over the past three weeks I have been dwelling on conversations that I have had with certain people about the way I have chosen to currently live my life. Here is my world in a nutshell just in case you are not aware of my weekly whereabouts: Work full time at Starbucks, Work part-time for The University of Texas, volunteer at Austin LifeCare (a crisis pregnancy center), serve at my church and meet weekly with my Missional Community. I hate to sound conceited, but I like to think that I am not a lazy person. For those of you who don't know, I did not graduate from Texas Tech and I do not have a college degree...so shoot me. Get it? "Get your guns up!"...a little Texas Tech humor. I did not drop out of college, it wasn't too hard for me and I wasn't too lazy for it, it's just believe it or not I am not rich and I support myself, so that is just something that is not in my budget right now. So there, I just spilled the (personal) beans, but it's the truth. Here is an example of a conversation I had with a complete stranger that has really been bothering me, even though it happened a couple weeks ago. Please keep in mind that I do not know this man, he is someone that I was helping to purchase UT volleyball tickets...I do not even know his name, that is how much I don't know him!!

Man: "Are you a student at this fine University?"
Me: "No, I am actually not a student, but I did go to Texas Tech."
Man: "Did you graduate?"
Me: "No."
Man: "You really need to finish school."
Me: "Okay. (death glare) Would you like to purchase tickets to anymore games?"
Man: "You need to graduate and get your degree so you can make more money and better yourself."
Me: "So I've heard." (What I really wanted to say was "Why don't you mind your own business and learn to better yourself by not being a jerk?" But I love Jesus so my filter kicked in, and I would also like to keep my job.)

The torture finally ended, I think he got the hint after I ignored him and continued with the transaction as if the conversation had never happened. It got me thinking about how many times I judge other people. How many times do we add uneccessary commentary to other people's lives?

"Your car is pretty old, you should get a new one."
"Oh, your Louis Vuitton is fake?"
"When are you finally going to get married?"
You don't make enough money, that's not a good enough college, that person doesn't need help so they shouldn't be on the side of the road with a sign.
The list goes on and on (and on and on)

I have been dwelling on this for a couple weeks due to some comments that have been made towards me recently. One person said I need to finish school so I can stop working my "$7.50/hour job" (which is not even close to what I actually make), I have also been called someone's "next project". It is hard not to get discouraged and begin to question the plans that God has laid out for you when people around you obviously see something "wrong" with the way you are living. It really makes me pay more attention to what I say to others, or when I begin to judge them.

A couple months ago I sat down and really began to think about the way I was living and what was important to me. I had been telling myself that I have been blessed with a very different schedule from most people, I go into work so early that I get off at 12PM or 1PM and the rest of my day is free if I am not working at UT. I began to get convictions about the way I used my time. I had told myself for awhile that I wanted to find a way to serve my church and serve my city. It was something that I always wanted to do, but never actually did. So I wanted to take my blessings (my free time) and turn it into something that would be fruitful! I may be more busy now as I spend time at church and the pregnancy center, but I feel as if God is showing me His will through these different things. He created me to have a heart for certain ministries and certain people, so by serving them I feel as if I am fulfilling my purpose. My purpose doesn't have to come in the form of a degree hanging on my wall, it can come from the service work I do or spending time building relationships with the people God has placed in my life. Not being a college graduate has been something that has bothered me for years, but as I get more involved I see I was created for something different, and that is okay.

I feel like I am very sensitive when it comes to my plans and my future, so when I receive criticism from others I put my guard up, I get angry, and I feel like I have to constantly prove myself. By serving others and seeking out ways to live the way God wants me to it only reassures me that I am His creation and others might not get what I am doing, but He does and that is okay. I have known for awhile now that we are all created differently, we all serve a different purpose, we don't all share the same gifts and talents but that only makes us more valuable, not less. If that isn't the best news I've heard all week, I don't know what is?!?!

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." -Exodus 9:16

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands." -Psalm 138:7-8

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21

"...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." -Phillipians 2:13

"Still wonderin' why I'm here. Still wrestling with my fear
but oh... He's up to something, and the farther on I go, I've seen enough to know that I'm not here for nothin'...He's up to something." -Brandon Heath (Wait and See)

Baby Got Back?

*Disclaimer* I'm warning you, in this blog I use words such as butt, boobs and whore. Was it really necessary to use such language? Yes, it was and I'm stickin' to it. So...I warned you!

Do you ever wonder why we as girls wear short shorts, skimpy dresses or low cut shirts? I say we, but I don't mean myself because actually compared to most of the female population in Austin, TX I feel like I dress like a nun, some might say too modest but I like to work it. I will say we throughout this blog post though just because I don't want to leave myself out, I feel I am just as guilty as the next when it comes to being an attention whore in some aspects of my life, so no I am not perfect therefore I am not exempt. Yes, I said whore, that might possibly be awkward but I feel as if it is the perfect word to use, so please accept it. OK, going back to my first point. Why do girls wear those short "hoochie" shorts? I can tell you right now, there is probably no practical reason for having your butt cheeks hang out, let's be honest. Do they think that during the summer if their rear is hanging out of their shorts, they suddenly feel 10 degrees cooler? No? OK then there is no reason to have that exposed. There is a reason they say "where the sun don't shine" when they are talking about your butt, because us normal American girls don't want the sun shining there...so please, keep it in the shade. How about skimpy dresses? You know the ones where it look like you accidentally raided the clearance rack at Gap Kids? How is a skimpy dress practical? You can't bend over, you can't run, and you can't walk up stairs without flashing everyone below you and you pretty much can't go anywhere that there might be a possibility of the wind actually blowing. And last but definitely not least, low cut shirts. Did I miss the memo on this one? Do you gain some sort of super human power by having your boobs exposed? As far as I can tell this one isn't practical at all, and you are just showing off something that we already have, so we don't care to see it. They make regular shirts, that fit regular people for a reason, so let's all embrace them and wear them.

This little rant and rave might seem kind of random, genius, but still random. Actually, it is response to an article I just read on AOL news about a female sports reporter who "claims" she was sexually harassed with catcalls in the locker room of the Jet's football team while conducting an interview. Now, I am not justifying that type of behavior from a guy, but when you dress the way she does and flaunt your assets (see attached picture), what do you expect? I am a girl and I don't even take women who are sports reporters and dress like that seriously. I can guarantee she wasn't dressing like that to prove that she was just so smart, nope she was dressing like that to gain attention. How do I know? Because I've done it too, except with a lot less boob and not as much butt, I like to dress for attention in my own sort of nunnery kinda way.

So where is this all going Traci? Why all the hostility? Well, because it bothers me that girls dress provocatively and then get upset when they get verbally harassed. Really? What were you expecting, for people to sing your praises? Nope, all we see is boob, and more boob, so that charming, caring and kind personality you have is overshadowed by that onesie you are wearing. I am not a man, obviously, so therefore I do not think like a man but I do know that we have to be sensitive to what sets them off. It also bothers me that girls dress like that to family friendly environments. Please don't subject everyone to seeing that. Please. I know this is gross, but next time you are tempted to show off 95% of your flesh just imagine what it feels like to have your dad looking at that. Gross right? Right. So just tell yourself: "By dressing like that I am grossing people out." Easy solution? I'd like to think so but I know I will have those who disagree.

I feel bad attaching a Bible verse to this post. Mainly because I feel like what I said can come off as a whole lot of bashing. But it was all out of love, because once you realize that your body isn't all that, and will one day shrivel up, you will still have a peace with the type of woman God has created you to be. When I think of creation, I think of things I can touch, feel and see and I forget to describe us as being created to be kind, intelligent, selfless and compassionate. I think if God felt that our looks were as important as we think they are, He wouldn't have given us a verse that convinces us to think otherwise:

"I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God." -1 Timothy 2:9-10

So there is it, plain and simple. No if-s or but-s about it. So the next time I am getting dressed, I will think: "Is this outfit appropriate for someone who professes to worshiping God?" Convicting, isn't it?