He's not finished with me yet

If I may be cheesy for a moment and borrow a line from a Gwen Stefani song to back up this blog post, you will have a better understanding of where I am coming from:

"It's my life, don't you forget."

Okay, now I will just add a little Christian spin on it and say: "It's my life, well the one that God planned for me, don't you forget." There, that's much better. (Hopefully I don't get slapped with a lawsuit for some sort for tampering with copyrighted lyrics, I will let you know how that plays out if so.) I prefer the "christian version" of the song better, because it reminds me that the life I am living is the life that God created for me, just for me. Lately I have been struggling with living a life that has been created by others, meeting their expectations and gaining their approval. What a sad and empty life if you really think about it, but why do so many of us still try to pursue it? Why are we (me) so easily swayed, broken down, molded and influenced by so many other people, and not so easily by Jesus?

Over the past three weeks I have been dwelling on conversations that I have had with certain people about the way I have chosen to currently live my life. Here is my world in a nutshell just in case you are not aware of my weekly whereabouts: Work full time at Starbucks, Work part-time for The University of Texas, volunteer at Austin LifeCare (a crisis pregnancy center), serve at my church and meet weekly with my Missional Community. I hate to sound conceited, but I like to think that I am not a lazy person. For those of you who don't know, I did not graduate from Texas Tech and I do not have a college degree...so shoot me. Get it? "Get your guns up!"...a little Texas Tech humor. I did not drop out of college, it wasn't too hard for me and I wasn't too lazy for it, it's just believe it or not I am not rich and I support myself, so that is just something that is not in my budget right now. So there, I just spilled the (personal) beans, but it's the truth. Here is an example of a conversation I had with a complete stranger that has really been bothering me, even though it happened a couple weeks ago. Please keep in mind that I do not know this man, he is someone that I was helping to purchase UT volleyball tickets...I do not even know his name, that is how much I don't know him!!

Man: "Are you a student at this fine University?"
Me: "No, I am actually not a student, but I did go to Texas Tech."
Man: "Did you graduate?"
Me: "No."
Man: "You really need to finish school."
Me: "Okay. (death glare) Would you like to purchase tickets to anymore games?"
Man: "You need to graduate and get your degree so you can make more money and better yourself."
Me: "So I've heard." (What I really wanted to say was "Why don't you mind your own business and learn to better yourself by not being a jerk?" But I love Jesus so my filter kicked in, and I would also like to keep my job.)

The torture finally ended, I think he got the hint after I ignored him and continued with the transaction as if the conversation had never happened. It got me thinking about how many times I judge other people. How many times do we add uneccessary commentary to other people's lives?

"Your car is pretty old, you should get a new one."
"Oh, your Louis Vuitton is fake?"
"When are you finally going to get married?"
You don't make enough money, that's not a good enough college, that person doesn't need help so they shouldn't be on the side of the road with a sign.
The list goes on and on (and on and on)

I have been dwelling on this for a couple weeks due to some comments that have been made towards me recently. One person said I need to finish school so I can stop working my "$7.50/hour job" (which is not even close to what I actually make), I have also been called someone's "next project". It is hard not to get discouraged and begin to question the plans that God has laid out for you when people around you obviously see something "wrong" with the way you are living. It really makes me pay more attention to what I say to others, or when I begin to judge them.

A couple months ago I sat down and really began to think about the way I was living and what was important to me. I had been telling myself that I have been blessed with a very different schedule from most people, I go into work so early that I get off at 12PM or 1PM and the rest of my day is free if I am not working at UT. I began to get convictions about the way I used my time. I had told myself for awhile that I wanted to find a way to serve my church and serve my city. It was something that I always wanted to do, but never actually did. So I wanted to take my blessings (my free time) and turn it into something that would be fruitful! I may be more busy now as I spend time at church and the pregnancy center, but I feel as if God is showing me His will through these different things. He created me to have a heart for certain ministries and certain people, so by serving them I feel as if I am fulfilling my purpose. My purpose doesn't have to come in the form of a degree hanging on my wall, it can come from the service work I do or spending time building relationships with the people God has placed in my life. Not being a college graduate has been something that has bothered me for years, but as I get more involved I see I was created for something different, and that is okay.

I feel like I am very sensitive when it comes to my plans and my future, so when I receive criticism from others I put my guard up, I get angry, and I feel like I have to constantly prove myself. By serving others and seeking out ways to live the way God wants me to it only reassures me that I am His creation and others might not get what I am doing, but He does and that is okay. I have known for awhile now that we are all created differently, we all serve a different purpose, we don't all share the same gifts and talents but that only makes us more valuable, not less. If that isn't the best news I've heard all week, I don't know what is?!?!

"But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." -Exodus 9:16

"Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me. The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O LORD, endures forever, do not abandon the works of your hands." -Psalm 138:7-8

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." -Proverbs 19:21

"...for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose." -Phillipians 2:13

"Still wonderin' why I'm here. Still wrestling with my fear
but oh... He's up to something, and the farther on I go, I've seen enough to know that I'm not here for nothin'...He's up to something." -Brandon Heath (Wait and See)