what do i know of Holy?

Throughout the day I have these random things that happen to me and I think I need to blog about that!! So I grab my little notebook out of my purse and I jot down ideas: say this, explain that, make this joke, mention this person, and so on. Well not one of those blog ideas has made it on to this page. It is very interesting actually, because I think it would be some good material. You would enjoy it, trust me. And now that I sound like a conceited jerk, I think that is exactly why they haven't made it on to this page, because I would be writing for my own glory so that you the reader would say: "Dang, she's funny. I like this girl." Every time I sit down to blog I get inspired to write about something else, something that is honest and shows the wonderful faithfulness of God, I just end up being stripped down to nothing and you get to see the real me. The girl who wanted to fight over Twitter, the one who has road rage, I talked about boobs in a blog about creation...you get to see my ashes but you also get to see the beauty. You get to see the beauty of knowing God. You get to see the ashes left from being dirty, messy and selfish but the beauty of the redeeming love of Christ. My ashes and His beauty.

I sometimes feel like I have this Christian thing down. I have experienced this awesome transformation of my heart through a broken relationship. I have experienced healing, forgiveness and redemption. My testimony just got ten times better and now it doesn't sound so boring!! (yes I really thought that at one point). I don't know all the theology but I can comprehend the Trinity, and I read books by Mark Driscoll so I should be golden, right? Right? Ummm...right? No. Wrong. I am wrong. I admit it. I know religion, I even know scripture but I haven't fully grasped it. And I realized this just now, as I sat down to blog about some random daily story it just hit me. God just hit me. Well, not literally because that would be weird but the thought of God's awesomeness, His bigness (is that a word?), His love, it just all hit me. How you ask? As I'm listening to songs shuffle on iTunes, I hear lyrics from a song by Addison Road that say:

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees."

That's me!! I don't want it to be me, but it is! I get so wrapped up in my daily life that I think reading a few C.S. Lewis tweets here and there will feed me spiritually. Subscribing to podcasts, buying Christian books, listening to the Spirit 105.9, reading Stuff Christians Like...that is my "daily bread". Sad isn't it. I go through the motions and I don't have quiet time and this is the stuff that feeds me. Don't get me wrong, it is all good stuff but it's not the Word. The Word will bring peace, rest and joy. The other stuff just fills me for about an hour, then I am back to be anxious, frustrated or stressed. Filling my life with "christian things" is kind of like eating chinese food, it's awesome and tastes good but two hours later I am hungry again and I want more. It didn't fill me, it didn't nourish my body and it wasn't the real deal for me. (Yes, I did just make that analogy but trust me I don't hate on chinese food...it's so good!) I will only experience the real deal, the real holiness of God if I spend time in the word. I can quote, retweet and share links with the best of them, but do I really know Holy? Do I know this:

"What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?"

It's a bitter pill to swallow when you think you are so in love with God and you realize that you don't know of this holiness. I have heard of it, I have experienced my share of cleansing in His love, but I don't know Holy.

So I want to challenge myself, make myself work for it and pray for it, I want to wake up every morning and ask:

"What do I know of HOLY?"

I don't only want to speak about it, I don't want to be fake about it, I want to know about it.

Blessings,
Traci