Does this blog make my butt look big?

"Um...excuse me Miss, but your insecurity is showing."

As women, I bet we all wish we would have someone that would follow us around and whisper that to us in our most insecure times. Why in the world would we want to know that? Well, because insecurity is not attractive. There is nothing attractive about being paranoid, self conscious and needy, but yet we all suffer from it. We let our flaws get the best of us, and we get nothing in return. It is a lose/lose situation. I see women helping each other out all the time, letting them know when their tag is showing, when they have something in their teeth, or better yet when their dress is tucked into their undergarments. So why would it be so wrong to say: "I'm sorry, but your insecurity is showing today and it is really freaking me out." I'll tell you why, because any girl would go crazy on you! You wouldn't stand a chance...there has to be a way to fix this problem, but how? I want a solution! I want to save the world from insecure women, and my first client would be: ME.

In the past year I feel like God has really put Women's Ministry on my heart. I can't figure out why just yet, especially since I am the type of person who just can't stand girls sometimes (yes that includes myself). Let me clarify that statement, I can't stand girls who are vulgar, fall over drunk and go out on the town half naked. I have always had a low tolerance for that kind of behavior, so for me to suddenly have a soft spot for them is definitely the Lord's work. I see girls who behave like this and all I can say is: "Why? You don't have to be like that, it won't kill you to be yourself. Trust me, I go out in public modestly dressed and I am still alive and kicking." I think He began to plant this seed while I was working with middle school girls for several years. I began to see just how influential they are and how insecurity is their #1 accessory. I was a middle school girl at one time, why didn't it break my heart like it does now? Well first off, I was 14 and the only thing I cared about was what Justin Timberlake's favorite color was (baby blue if you were wondering, and yes that is creepy that I still remember), and secondly, God didn't speak to me like He does now. I can see now just how ridiculous it is to care so much about so little. I want to write a book to girls, but who would buy a book that only contains one page? And that page would read: "STOP CARING SO MUCH! It's true, as women we over analyze, over compensate and over accessorizes, sometimes all in one day! I believe there are 3 classic cases of insecurity that every girl struggles with (actually there is probably 100, but neither you or I have the patience to go through each one). So I invite you to grab a box of chocolates or a cup of coffee as we explore the dark and dirty world know as INSECURITY.

Relationships:
I figured I would get this one out of the way first, kind of like ripping off a band-aid...let's just be done with it. So how many of us can say that we have been with someone where not a hint of jealousy or insecurity dwelled in the relationship? Good now that none of us have raised our hands, we are on the same page. I believe relationships can be God's ultimate blessing, or the breeding ground for all of Satan's dirty work. We can find joy and peace with the one that God created just for us, or we can turn green with envy and go Incredible Hulk on any girl that looks at our man. To say you have not been there would be a lie, so let's just embrace the truth. I've done it. Would you like to hear a story? Okay, okay, if you insist. When I was 21 I was dating the love of my life (he wasn't and I like to claim temporary insanity for that poor life choice) and I just thought he was IT. Nothing else mattered, and my whole family hated him, with good reason too, but I did not care. Well, one day I discovered text messages from another girl on his phone, and when I confronted him about the proper things to say to this girl, he told me I could just send the text myself. Rule #1 ladies, any guy who lets you do the dirty work needs to either be slapped or kicked to the curb, he should be the one who knows what is appropriate and what is not. He must be willing to take care of it. Okay, back to the story. I ended up sending her a message that said something like "I don't think it is appropriate for you to be texting me when I have a girlfriend." Her response: "You're dumb." Dang it, she knew it was me! How? Because she knew he would never say something like that, after all he liked her. I was ready to slap that fake tan right off the girl! (Disclaimer: I did not know then what it was like to love Jesus as much as I do now.) So who ended up looking like the crazy one? Me. Never take a guys phone and text the girl, not only does it make you look crazy, it makes you seem insecure...well, because you are insecure. I wasn't secure enough in myself, and my relationship with God to leave this situation and know that He had a better plan for me. I stuck around for a year and a half, and it didn't stop with texts from another girl, it escalated into so much more. I see girls (including myself) putting so much hope and faith into the guy they are dating. I see it plastered all over FaceBook and it's all they can talk about. Don't get me wrong, I think relationships are wonderful but if you have to recap every single aspect of your relationship for the world to see, I really think it's your insecurity whispering in your ear, saying: "I'm heeeeere!!" Every time I get disappointed because a date doesn't go the way I'd like it to, I just have to tell myself: The joy of the Lord is my strength! Most of the time it turns out that weeks, months or years later I find out things about the guy that makes me glad I dodged that bullet, and it makes me really thankful that I serve a God who only has my best interests at heart.

Body Issues:
We all have them, a body that is, and all the issues that go along with it. Have you ever gotten straight out of bed, looked in the mirror and thought "Dang, I look good!" Probably not, maybe a coat of foundation, a hint of bronzer, and a layer of lip gloss later and you'd feel confident in saying those words...but right out of bed? No. Do you dwell on the fact that your legs don't go on for miles, or that your feet are too big and your hair is too frizzy? I do, and then some. I've got hips, why can't I work them like Beyonce? How come my fake eyelashes never look like Kim Kardashians? Well this diet didn't work for me, but she lost 20 pounds doing it? My constant obsession with the way that I look only gives me false hope, it causes me to find my satisfaction in something that will fade, and nothing can be promising about that! My mascara will smear and my lipstick will fade, but the true joy found only through Christ is what really makes me "beautiful". So why isn't that enough? Why don't I truly believe it? Well, when was the last time a guy told you that your relationship with Christ is what makes you beautiful? Unless you are lucky girl, you probably haven't heard that too much. So I'd like to challenge myself in remembering to tell my friends that more often. I think that would be a good place to start in our attempts at regaining our self confidence.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30

Lifestyle
"Diamonds are a girls best friend." "Money can't buy happiness but it sure can make you look good." How many of us have believed these lies? *Guilty* Why do you think I work so much? Surely it's not just to pay bills, it's because I want to keep up with the lifestyles around me. I want to be the modern day Jones, who doesn't? I want that girls Louis Vuitton purse, oh and throw in her Ranger Rover while you're at it...I'll take it all! We are always striving for something better than what we have been blessed with. We want better jobs, bigger paychecks and richer husbands (unfortunately for some, that is true). Shop at Walmart? No thanks. Settle for Old Navy instead of Nordstroms? I'll pass. (I love Old navy by the way!) The world has wired us to always want the best of the best, but God has wired us to seek Him as our provider: "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" -Matthew 6:26 My heart should not be content with designer labels, it should only be content with the label God has put on me, His child. I am His child, and just as my parents provided for me, He will do the same. So, my insecurities get the best of me when I focus on what I don't have and when I try (and fail) to define success under my own circumstances.

So how do we fight these pesky burdens? How do we tame the insecurities within us? Trusting in God's word of course. So believe it or not, I am all out of words. I can't think of a good way to end this, but I think a list of Scripture might be the best way to encourage us. Below are some of the verses I have used to fight off the devil antics. They bring encouragement to me, so hopefully they will do the same for you!

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139:14

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:2

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." -Ephesians 6:10-11

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." -Psalm 90:14

A Family Affair

I actually like my family. That is a very true statement. In fact, I actually hang out more with them than I do my own friends. (But that doesn't mean I love my friends any less either) I write this blog to clear up some preconceived notions that one might have about my family and I: That we are mean to each other. Where do they get this nonsense? Well, the same place everyone else gets their hard hitting evidence, of course: FaceBook. Oh dreaded FaceBook, how I hate thee sometimes...and how I regret convincing my whole family to jump on board the FaceBook train. It's true, I like to consider myself as the pioneer of the group, the one who stepped out alone, braved the storm known as the drama on FaceBook, and ask them to tag along. So, like any family, we tend to communicate a lot over FaceBook (but we definitely don't lack in the phone calls or text messages either!) and everyone and their mom (literally) gets to view our businazz (business for those that are challenged in the area of ghetto slang). (Sorry that sentence has a lot of parentheses but I refuse to edit it. You're welcome.) So all of our digs, disses, jokes, slams or anything else you would like to call them, convientiely appears on everyones news feed to read. Some people jump in the conversation, some probably just think that I am an evil person, and some think it's funny. I personally like the ones who think it's funny, because let's be honest anything that you will see on FaceBook will not actually be serious. We may be Mexican, but we are too classy to fight over the internet, and you can take that to the bank!

If I may sound conceited for a moment, everyone always tells me that I am too sweet, so nice and innocent so they are shocked to see me telling my sister to lose weight (joke) or that she needs to get over her dream of modeling for Victoria Secret and settle for Gap Kids (she is 28 and a size 0...how could not seize that opportunity to crack a joke). I am told all the time that I need to be nicer to my sister. My response: The things she tells me can't be posted on FaceBook, my jokes are just child's play compared to hers.

So here is my chance, my attempt to regain my title as "the nice one" and tell all of you out there in the land of FaceBook, Blogger and Twitter that I do not hate my family. We have a close bond, one that can only be held together by jokes, hitting each other and constant put downs. Trust me, it is completely normal!

Still not convinced? Well how about the time that I threatened to beat up a guy who looked like he just stepped out of a "I work out too much, my muscles are about to explode all over your face, and my Affliction shirt is blinding you" Magazine because he did my sister wrong. How about the fact that my sister and I make sure we are off of work to attend every single one of my brother's football games? Or that we always get each other gifts as a family on Valentines day? And that we let Matthew become our temporary 3rd roommate for the summer? I have a lot more reasons to back up my statement but they can't be listed here because you, the reader, might think we have formed our own personal little family mafia....so you're just going to have to take my word for it. Or you can take a look at our family pictures and see that we actually do love each other. So next time you see my sister call me Snookie, or Matthew trying to punch me in the arm, or Haley calling all of us a freak you can say: "That is so sweet!!" So here we are:

When you see us on days like this-







Always remember that we do have days like these- (and they seem to out weigh the bad)

















So there you have it, the ultimate proof that we do, in fact, love each other.

"My comfort would prefer for me to be numb..."

Lately I have been struggling with something that is starting to drive me a little bit crazy. Now before I tell you what it is, you have to promise me one thing, that you won't think I am a horrible person. Ok, we good? I have found my self struggling with liking people. I am not talking about "Oh, I like this guy, he is so cute." I just mean being able to tolerate certain people. I don't know what brought this on either. I don't consider myself to be a mean person, and I think I do a good job of handling myself well around people that are completely opposite of me, so why do I find myself getting all hot and bothered a lot easier now?

Let me expand on this "liking" business a bit. But before I do, I would like to ask you to open your mind a bit to what I have to say. Put your hand in a fist if it keeps you from shaking a finger at me, because have you ever been annoyed by someone? (Yes) Bothered so much by someone that you call your best friend up to vent? (Yes) Or yelled at someone in traffic? (Yes, yes, yes) Ok good, now that we have cleared that up, I will proceed. I am having a hard time following God's commandment to love my neighbor as myself. I mean, think about it, that is a huge commandment. Think about how much you love yourself, you work hard to support yourself, you are the first one to stick up for yourself, and think of all the things you dream about one day spoiling yourself with, and most of us always put ourselves first. So that is how I love myself, and I am supposed treat my neighbor and coworkers like that?? Man, I am way off!! I am having a hard time liking some of the people God has put in my life, I can't imagine what it would be like to love them!! But no matter what this person is like, what they have done to me, or if they will ever like me, His commandment remains the same: Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no "but" and "only when", it is a law that has no circumstances.

So today was the day that God wanted to drill that into my head a little bit deeper. On the way home from work I was listening to KLOVE (love that station) and they were interviewing Lincoln Brewster and how his new cd is about putting his faith into deeds. He said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. He said that one thing we could do to turn our faith into deeds is buying the guy in line behind you at Starbucks his cup of coffee. He said that you never know if that person might be asking God to speak to him and show him that He's real. Dang, that was intense. So I gave up and let God finish making His point. I don't think it was a coincidence that God had me hearing that, I know He wants to change that hardened part of my heart where I find it just a little bit harder to be nice to those who wrong me. (And by a little bit, I mean a lot)

I started to think about all the people who I've been upset, angry or annoyed with in the past couple months and how hard it would be to love them. Talk about a humbling experience. The hardest part about loving all of them is I can't pick and chose, after all His commandment doesn't say "Only love the neighbor who wronged you but said sorry first", nope, I am called to love everyone. So this was an awkward time for me, because I kept trying to think of another topic, I didn't want to come face to face with this realization. I mean seriously, does God not know about that person who said those things about me when I didn't even do anything to them?? Or how about that lady who said something hurtful about my mom? Or the man who cut me off, took my parking spot and then shot me the bird?? He is supposed to be a gentlemen for crying out loud!! But like I said, I can't pick and chose. I have to love them all, equally...and it's hard. I want to be the victim, feel sorry for myself and tell everyone how I was wronged. I want to be the princess of my pity party and have everyone attend! But God would rather I take a deep breath, relax, meditate on His grace and give it back to that person.

Well, God threw me another little curve ball. Not only was He pretty much telling me to get over myself (in a nice way, of course), He now proceeds to tell me that He wants me to buy coffee for the next person who wrongs me on my next trip to Starbucks. Woah, woah, wait....so that guy in his fancy car who speeds past me and takes the only spot up front...you want me to buy him his coffee? But I can guarantee he has more money than me, and why should I reward his bad behavior? He is never going to learn his lesson if someone is nice to him. I'll tell you how he will learn his lesson...if I punch him. I bet he will watch how he treats women a lot more carefully! (Oh by the way, I've never punched someone, I just like how it sounds. I can assure you that if I tried to punch someone I would probably miss their face...or break my hand. So no need to get all in a frenzy.) Well after the thoughts of punching him left my mind, a feeling of guilt and conviction covered me like a dark cloud. Where would I be if every time I did something wrong God sent someone to cross my path who would just punch me? I bet my faith wouldn't be strengthened and I wouldn't be encouraged to seek Him, my heart would just grow cold, bitter and frustrated.

So I find myself faced with a new challenge, one that will require me to put myself aside, let go of my pride and do something for someone who totally doesn't deserve it. I know it will be hard, I know that it is going to be painful but the work of the Lord is not easy. I have to always be second so that He will always be first. ("He must become greater; I must become less." John 3:30) I will be sure to let you know how it goes, I can only pray that the Lord will be faithful and use this as an opportunity to create a stirring in someone's heart. I hope for seeds to be planted and lives to be changed. Maybe we can do this together? We all have those bad days and pesky run ins with complete strangers, how would lives be changed if we were to completely surprise them and react in a way that they weren't expecting? I believe that God uses people who are humble, and what's more humbling than putting someone first who just doesn't deserve it?

So if you chose to join me please feel free to share with me your experience. I am always open to encouragement and support! :)
Blessings,
Traci

"I won't find what I am looking for if I only "see" by keeping score." -Brooke Fraser

Hard Questions.

Every now and then a topic comes along and buries itself in my mind. I can't stop thinking about it, I dwell on it and it manifests itself in my every day thoughts. For some reason this topic was a big one, one that I would need God's help in trying to figure out: How do I know there is a God? Why do I believe what I believe? Woah, talk about big stuff. Why was God putting this in my mind? I know that I believe so why was he wanting me to explain it...to myself? Why did the thoughts cross my mind everyday? I couldn't figure out why I kept thinking about that question, it's not like I live in a land where I defend my faith on a daily basis. I have been a believer for awhile and no one has ever flat out asked me that question (until now). I began thinking of bullet points that would outline the sequence of thoughts if I was ever to be approached with that question. All I could come up with was things that I had felt or heard from God. How do you explain to someone that you feel God, or hear Him? A unbeliever would think I sit around petting and talking to a burning bush, and that is just absurd. You never want to start out witnessing to someone with them thinking you are crazy, I just don't see that playing out very well. So I began to get frustrated, I wanted to be poetic like C.S. Lewis and spitting out theology left and right like Mark Driscoll, but I am just Traci and I am neither poetic or a theologian, so I had to put my feelings into words. With God leading the way I couldn't go wrong, right? Riiiighhht.

I was contacted via email by a guy who wanted to know more about my faith, he was confused and wanted answers. Well, this is what God was preparing me for and this was His time to shine. After a couple email exchanges, the time came (last night) when I got asked about my faith. Dun dun dun, all those thoughts and feelings had to be put into words, where would I begin, how would I say "God spoke to me" without sounding like a complete loon. Well, I put myself aside and prayed that the Holy Spirit would speak through me, that the words I typed out would not be my own but His. In the end I wanted to say "these are God's words, not mine." So I began to type, my fingers were like speed demons, no pun intended, and the Holy Spirit was on a roll.

I thought it would be cool to share our conversation so far. I understand that I am not perfect, I am not a preacher and my response might not meet up to your expectations but I know God is working through this and that is good enough for me. :) This guy will be known as "guy" and I will not reveal who is he or where he is from, I want to keep this private and sacred because it is so stinkin cool for God to be doing this!!

Guy: I would love to be encouraged by your faith. I am confused and would like to hear your take on God.

Traci: No need to be confused, the best thing about Him is that you can come as you are and He transforms your life. :)

Guy: I have known him and can't understand a lot of things. I just believed whatever the pastor said before, and found a lot of flaws. Yahweh which is the Hebrew name for God demands faith which I know you understand. However, there are so many things in the bible that are not logical. On the flip side, there are so many things that make sense to me. The only thing right now that keeps me still drawn in, is fear of the eternal flames that have been embedded in my mind.

Traci: This is a pretty loaded email, and while I don't have all the answers I feel like I can pass along some things to you that can give you peace and maybe breathe a little
lighter about the situation.

I know you said that you don't understand a lot of things and they don't seem logical so I am not going to bombard you with a lot of theology. That is the great part about "knowing" God, to be a believer you don't have to be a Bible scholar, it's about faith and trust and believing that what He did on the cross was true. When you believe that and your relationship with God begins to grow, He starts revealing things to you. I am not talking about God speaking in a booming voice and burning bushes, I think God speaks to me when I have convictions or guilt, or when something just clicks in my mind that I know I am not capable of coming up with myself. I know there is a God, not because I have seen Him but because I feel Him, I feel Him when I don't want to be nice to people but I know that I have to, or when I help people in need even if I am struggling financially or just not in the mood. The gospel isn't about rules, it is acknowledging that we are broken and in need of a Savior, it is when you give up your need to figure everything out that you can really enjoy that relationship with God. It becomes intimate and personal. Even when I have a bad day, or I feel guilt and regret, it is so awesome to have that voice in the back of my mind that says it's ok and God is bigger, and that voice is the Holy Spirit.

I have been a Christian for almost 16 years and I still don't understand all the scientific and theological facts behind some Bible stories but I just trust that everything in God's word in true and perfect. If I believe that the Gospel saves me, and that is from God's word, then I have to have a peace about all the other things the Bible says as well, it is not my place to pick and choose what I can believe.

I hope this helps you out a little bit, and like I said the more you spend time seeking God (in prayer or in His word) He will begin to speak to you, help you understand and all the doubts begin to fade and you just have this desire to learn more about Him.

God's word has promised us that as a believer we don't have to worry about those eternal flames. He has conquered and overcome it and it is through His mercy that we are saved from that! Pretty awesome, huh? :)

I hope this helps you a bit, and I know I don't have all the answers but please feel free to ask anything else.

Hope you had a good day!
Traci


So that is how I explained my faith, with no theology required. While I love theology, and learning more about God, I just couldn't put the way I see and feel God into big holy words. I experienced something more than that a couple years ago, I experienced grace, love and mercy. I experienced forgiveness when I shouldn't have been forgiven at all. God could have left me in that pit, but He called me out and hasn't let go of me since. Shouldn't everyone hear about of those feelings? :)

Feel free to shield your eyes

So as I was walking through Borders this afternoon I spotted the cover to Miley Cyrus' new album and all I could say was "Why?" If you haven't seen it yet, here it is:



So many things are wrong with this picture, where do I begin?
1. Does anyone in this girl's life know that she is only 17?
2. Why is she squinting so hard? Did she drop her glasses?
3. Was it hard for her not to drool while she was trying way too hard to make her lips look "sexy"?
4. Did she really name her album Can't Be Tamed? Because you are 17, I'm pretty sure you can be tamed, it's called being grounded.
5. This picture looks a lot like this:


Did she not see Britney Spears: True Hollywood Story on E! ? Doesn't she know how this story will end??? Someone get this girl a Tiger Beat magazine, some Twilight books, a Mustang and whatever else 17 year olds are into these days!!

Confessions of a (former) Shopaholic

When people are addicted to things, most find themselves in rehab or counseling, "Hi my name is Traci, and I am addicted to...shopping." How lame, shopping, it's not even a "pity" addiction, one where people feel sorry for you for falling down a pit of drugs, alcohol or sex. It's shopping!! No one is going to say "Oh Traci, I feel so bad for you that you buy all the stuff you want and have cute clothes and designer purses." Nope, no one feels sorry for that. So I didn't tell anyone, and no I am not in rehab for it.

My sister used to give me a hard time about it because there wasn't a day that I wouldn't come home with something, whether it be a new dress, a pair of shoes or a purse. Who buys that kind of stuff everyday?! I did.

How did this happen? When did this all begin? Well, I blame my mom (sorry mom). Growing up my mom and grandma gave my sister and I everything we wanted. We would come home from Dillards with giant bags of clothes, and it didn't help that I had to match everything so that required even more color options for shoes, dresses and hair bows. Well as I got older I justified all my spending habits by saying "I work hard, I have two jobs after all..." Excuses. Well it got worse, if that is even possible, I "fell into some money". I never got that phrase, how do you fall into something, anyway I did and my spending habits got even worse! I was buying all the things I had been wanting, a new North Face jacket or tickets to a Denver Nuggets game, lots and lots of things. Did any of that extra money go to tithing? No.

I spent several months buying things I didn't really need, going out to eat every other day and buying friends expensive gifts (which I doubt they objected to). Only a tiny portion of that money, that I somehow fell into, went towards helping others. And it was a lot of money...

After I spent that extra money I began having convictions about how I spent it, and how I managed to blow through it so fast. I wasn't completely foolish, I do know how to manage money. The money I made from work went towards bills and other responsibilities and the money that I was given went towards me. I think back on all the things I could have spent it on, all the selfless ways I could have supported others but no, all I could think about was me, after all I did work so hard, right?

So as I began to struggle with this feeling of regret and disappointment, God began working in my heart to create a new outlook on material items and possessions. I don't go shopping everyday, I don't have the urge to buy something every time I walk into a store and I don't obsess over money. All it took was a little prayer, a little patience and a lot of God! God restores, He restores the places that we aren't strong enough to fix. He directs our hearts and our minds towards Him and when that happens everything else just seems so silly. I didn't do a thing, God changed my desires and my focus. He made that phase of constant shopping and obsessing over "new things" fade away, and they no longer control me. The last time I bought a new item of clothing was 3 weeks ago, and I am okay with that. I don't feel like I need to constantly reward myself for all my hard work, because it's not about me. He has replaced my thoughts of wanting new clothes or shoes and instead I just can't seem to justify spending that much on things when I think of places I could donate to with that much money. Those aren't my own thoughts, instead it is the work of the Cross and the realization we come to when God is restoring our hearts.

So God has renewed another part of my life, and He has a long way to go before He is finished with me, but I am glad that I serve a God who is patient and forgiving. He still loves me even though I have a tendency to take my time. God is waiting for me to put every distraction aside and just be content with Him.

My attitude sucks, and it's not Jesus' fault.

Anyone who has played sports has heard the saying "Attitude reflects leadership." Well I have been trying to be the leader lately and let me tell you, my attitude sucks. I guess this is just another way of connecting two things I love, Jesus and sports, and attempting to make a really awesome analogy out of it.
In sports the way a team competes and responds to a loss or a win is a reflection of their leader, the coach, and the level of importance they place on winning. A good coach knows that if they are on a winning streak a team should not be cocky or over confident and if they are a losing team, then they place a good amount of importance on working hard, training and staying focus. So when a teams attitude is good, that usually means they have a good leader.

So if my attitude has been sucking lately, what does that say about my leader? Well first off, I have been trying to lead myself lately and just get through the day and going through the motions. I have been leading myself because I have not allowed God to consume my every day life because I am just too busy. I am too busy, too tired and too lazy. My life/work balance has been suffering and I am seriously lacking in church time, quiet time and worshiping God. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't lost any HOPE in God, I love love love Him, I just find myself slipping on the time I spend with Him and it is amazing what a huge difference it makes. I get annoyed more easily, I am emotionally drained and just want to sleep after I am done with work...isn't it ironic how failure to spend time with God can give you the same symptoms as someone who is depressed? I know that by robbing myself from that time with God, I am also robbing myself of pure joy and happiness.

So how do I fix this? How do I make it go away? Well I was honest and brought it to my small group's attention and we decided we are going to hold each other accountable for the time we spend with God. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with people who are just amazing and always there for me. Love you girls!

So if attitude reflects leadership, I want people to see that my Leader is great, powerful and sovereign!! I want my attitude to reflect the fruits of the Spirit!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23