"Um...excuse me Miss, but your insecurity is showing."
As women, I bet we all wish we would have someone that would follow us around and whisper that to us in our most insecure times. Why in the world would we want to know that? Well, because insecurity is not attractive. There is nothing attractive about being paranoid, self conscious and needy, but yet we all suffer from it. We let our flaws get the best of us, and we get nothing in return. It is a lose/lose situation. I see women helping each other out all the time, letting them know when their tag is showing, when they have something in their teeth, or better yet when their dress is tucked into their undergarments. So why would it be so wrong to say: "I'm sorry, but your insecurity is showing today and it is really freaking me out." I'll tell you why, because any girl would go crazy on you! You wouldn't stand a chance...there has to be a way to fix this problem, but how? I want a solution! I want to save the world from insecure women, and my first client would be: ME.
In the past year I feel like God has really put Women's Ministry on my heart. I can't figure out why just yet, especially since I am the type of person who just can't stand girls sometimes (yes that includes myself). Let me clarify that statement, I can't stand girls who are vulgar, fall over drunk and go out on the town half naked. I have always had a low tolerance for that kind of behavior, so for me to suddenly have a soft spot for them is definitely the Lord's work. I see girls who behave like this and all I can say is: "Why? You don't have to be like that, it won't kill you to be yourself. Trust me, I go out in public modestly dressed and I am still alive and kicking." I think He began to plant this seed while I was working with middle school girls for several years. I began to see just how influential they are and how insecurity is their #1 accessory. I was a middle school girl at one time, why didn't it break my heart like it does now? Well first off, I was 14 and the only thing I cared about was what Justin Timberlake's favorite color was (baby blue if you were wondering, and yes that is creepy that I still remember), and secondly, God didn't speak to me like He does now. I can see now just how ridiculous it is to care so much about so little. I want to write a book to girls, but who would buy a book that only contains one page? And that page would read: "STOP CARING SO MUCH! It's true, as women we over analyze, over compensate and over accessorizes, sometimes all in one day! I believe there are 3 classic cases of insecurity that every girl struggles with (actually there is probably 100, but neither you or I have the patience to go through each one). So I invite you to grab a box of chocolates or a cup of coffee as we explore the dark and dirty world know as INSECURITY.
Relationships:
I figured I would get this one out of the way first, kind of like ripping off a band-aid...let's just be done with it. So how many of us can say that we have been with someone where not a hint of jealousy or insecurity dwelled in the relationship? Good now that none of us have raised our hands, we are on the same page. I believe relationships can be God's ultimate blessing, or the breeding ground for all of Satan's dirty work. We can find joy and peace with the one that God created just for us, or we can turn green with envy and go Incredible Hulk on any girl that looks at our man. To say you have not been there would be a lie, so let's just embrace the truth. I've done it. Would you like to hear a story? Okay, okay, if you insist. When I was 21 I was dating the love of my life (he wasn't and I like to claim temporary insanity for that poor life choice) and I just thought he was IT. Nothing else mattered, and my whole family hated him, with good reason too, but I did not care. Well, one day I discovered text messages from another girl on his phone, and when I confronted him about the proper things to say to this girl, he told me I could just send the text myself. Rule #1 ladies, any guy who lets you do the dirty work needs to either be slapped or kicked to the curb, he should be the one who knows what is appropriate and what is not. He must be willing to take care of it. Okay, back to the story. I ended up sending her a message that said something like "I don't think it is appropriate for you to be texting me when I have a girlfriend." Her response: "You're dumb." Dang it, she knew it was me! How? Because she knew he would never say something like that, after all he liked her. I was ready to slap that fake tan right off the girl! (Disclaimer: I did not know then what it was like to love Jesus as much as I do now.) So who ended up looking like the crazy one? Me. Never take a guys phone and text the girl, not only does it make you look crazy, it makes you seem insecure...well, because you are insecure. I wasn't secure enough in myself, and my relationship with God to leave this situation and know that He had a better plan for me. I stuck around for a year and a half, and it didn't stop with texts from another girl, it escalated into so much more. I see girls (including myself) putting so much hope and faith into the guy they are dating. I see it plastered all over FaceBook and it's all they can talk about. Don't get me wrong, I think relationships are wonderful but if you have to recap every single aspect of your relationship for the world to see, I really think it's your insecurity whispering in your ear, saying: "I'm heeeeere!!" Every time I get disappointed because a date doesn't go the way I'd like it to, I just have to tell myself: The joy of the Lord is my strength! Most of the time it turns out that weeks, months or years later I find out things about the guy that makes me glad I dodged that bullet, and it makes me really thankful that I serve a God who only has my best interests at heart.
Body Issues:
We all have them, a body that is, and all the issues that go along with it. Have you ever gotten straight out of bed, looked in the mirror and thought "Dang, I look good!" Probably not, maybe a coat of foundation, a hint of bronzer, and a layer of lip gloss later and you'd feel confident in saying those words...but right out of bed? No. Do you dwell on the fact that your legs don't go on for miles, or that your feet are too big and your hair is too frizzy? I do, and then some. I've got hips, why can't I work them like Beyonce? How come my fake eyelashes never look like Kim Kardashians? Well this diet didn't work for me, but she lost 20 pounds doing it? My constant obsession with the way that I look only gives me false hope, it causes me to find my satisfaction in something that will fade, and nothing can be promising about that! My mascara will smear and my lipstick will fade, but the true joy found only through Christ is what really makes me "beautiful". So why isn't that enough? Why don't I truly believe it? Well, when was the last time a guy told you that your relationship with Christ is what makes you beautiful? Unless you are lucky girl, you probably haven't heard that too much. So I'd like to challenge myself in remembering to tell my friends that more often. I think that would be a good place to start in our attempts at regaining our self confidence.
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." -Proverbs 31:30
Lifestyle
"Diamonds are a girls best friend." "Money can't buy happiness but it sure can make you look good." How many of us have believed these lies? *Guilty* Why do you think I work so much? Surely it's not just to pay bills, it's because I want to keep up with the lifestyles around me. I want to be the modern day Jones, who doesn't? I want that girls Louis Vuitton purse, oh and throw in her Ranger Rover while you're at it...I'll take it all! We are always striving for something better than what we have been blessed with. We want better jobs, bigger paychecks and richer husbands (unfortunately for some, that is true). Shop at Walmart? No thanks. Settle for Old Navy instead of Nordstroms? I'll pass. (I love Old navy by the way!) The world has wired us to always want the best of the best, but God has wired us to seek Him as our provider: "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" -Matthew 6:26 My heart should not be content with designer labels, it should only be content with the label God has put on me, His child. I am His child, and just as my parents provided for me, He will do the same. So, my insecurities get the best of me when I focus on what I don't have and when I try (and fail) to define success under my own circumstances.
So how do we fight these pesky burdens? How do we tame the insecurities within us? Trusting in God's word of course. So believe it or not, I am all out of words. I can't think of a good way to end this, but I think a list of Scripture might be the best way to encourage us. Below are some of the verses I have used to fight off the devil antics. They bring encouragement to me, so hopefully they will do the same for you!
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalm 139:14
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:2
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes." -Ephesians 6:10-11
"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days." -Psalm 90:14
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