what do i know of Holy?

Throughout the day I have these random things that happen to me and I think I need to blog about that!! So I grab my little notebook out of my purse and I jot down ideas: say this, explain that, make this joke, mention this person, and so on. Well not one of those blog ideas has made it on to this page. It is very interesting actually, because I think it would be some good material. You would enjoy it, trust me. And now that I sound like a conceited jerk, I think that is exactly why they haven't made it on to this page, because I would be writing for my own glory so that you the reader would say: "Dang, she's funny. I like this girl." Every time I sit down to blog I get inspired to write about something else, something that is honest and shows the wonderful faithfulness of God, I just end up being stripped down to nothing and you get to see the real me. The girl who wanted to fight over Twitter, the one who has road rage, I talked about boobs in a blog about creation...you get to see my ashes but you also get to see the beauty. You get to see the beauty of knowing God. You get to see the ashes left from being dirty, messy and selfish but the beauty of the redeeming love of Christ. My ashes and His beauty.

I sometimes feel like I have this Christian thing down. I have experienced this awesome transformation of my heart through a broken relationship. I have experienced healing, forgiveness and redemption. My testimony just got ten times better and now it doesn't sound so boring!! (yes I really thought that at one point). I don't know all the theology but I can comprehend the Trinity, and I read books by Mark Driscoll so I should be golden, right? Right? Ummm...right? No. Wrong. I am wrong. I admit it. I know religion, I even know scripture but I haven't fully grasped it. And I realized this just now, as I sat down to blog about some random daily story it just hit me. God just hit me. Well, not literally because that would be weird but the thought of God's awesomeness, His bigness (is that a word?), His love, it just all hit me. How you ask? As I'm listening to songs shuffle on iTunes, I hear lyrics from a song by Addison Road that say:

"I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees."

That's me!! I don't want it to be me, but it is! I get so wrapped up in my daily life that I think reading a few C.S. Lewis tweets here and there will feed me spiritually. Subscribing to podcasts, buying Christian books, listening to the Spirit 105.9, reading Stuff Christians Like...that is my "daily bread". Sad isn't it. I go through the motions and I don't have quiet time and this is the stuff that feeds me. Don't get me wrong, it is all good stuff but it's not the Word. The Word will bring peace, rest and joy. The other stuff just fills me for about an hour, then I am back to be anxious, frustrated or stressed. Filling my life with "christian things" is kind of like eating chinese food, it's awesome and tastes good but two hours later I am hungry again and I want more. It didn't fill me, it didn't nourish my body and it wasn't the real deal for me. (Yes, I did just make that analogy but trust me I don't hate on chinese food...it's so good!) I will only experience the real deal, the real holiness of God if I spend time in the word. I can quote, retweet and share links with the best of them, but do I really know Holy? Do I know this:

"What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?"

It's a bitter pill to swallow when you think you are so in love with God and you realize that you don't know of this holiness. I have heard of it, I have experienced my share of cleansing in His love, but I don't know Holy.

So I want to challenge myself, make myself work for it and pray for it, I want to wake up every morning and ask:

"What do I know of HOLY?"

I don't only want to speak about it, I don't want to be fake about it, I want to know about it.

Blessings,
Traci

Things.

For now this is my blog layout, I don't like it. I don't like it one bit, actually. I have spent the past several days trying to find the perfect layout, I wanted one that would resemble a Word Press blog but I couldn't find one, so I settled...for now. It is amazing how much I stressed and worried about what my blog would look like. I wanted it to look legit, official, and stylin', but I have learned that is the words that I say, well the one's that God wants me to say, is really the only thing that matters. He could use this to speak to people if it was completely blank and plain. So that's all really. I have been super busy lately so I am sorry if you visit this page expecting something new, and instead just keep seeing different messed up layouts. Hopefully that has kept you entertained since I I have seriously been lacking in the writing department.
So until next time,
Adios.

Hello? Hola? Aloha?

Who reads this?

Who are you?

Where are you from?

How has God turned your ashes into beauty?

Tell me.

Please.

I want to know who actually reads this or am I just writing to a fake audience out there??

Just curious. :)

You give and take away

If there has been one lesson that I have learned in the past 24 hours, it would be best described by lyrics to a Matt Redman song:

"You give and take away, my heart will choose to say: Lord, blessed be Your name"

I feel like in the past 24 hours, I have just been a hot mess. I'm talking train wreck material here. When you have a string of bad luck it is hard not to dwell on it, get discouraged, pout, cry, scream, whatever your choice of "pity me" drama might be. When I get frustrated I revert back to the 3 year old version of myself, the one who spilled my drink all over my jeans on a plane ride to California, I screamed, I cried, I took my pants off and ran around the plane, except 23 years later I have learned to keep my pants on...I know I am not an attractive crier, I can't imagine me being pants-less would make the situation any more cute. I let frustration get the best of me sometimes, so after my string of bad luck I couldn't help but think today: "My heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." This is the horror God has so graciously helped me endure over the past 24 hours: Blessed be your name when I spill my iced coffee all down the front of my new white v-neck tee. Blessed be your name when I proceed to walk across the parking lot to a Wal-Mart to buy a Tide pen and my BlackBerry went sliding out of my hand and across the cement. Blessed be your name when the Tide pen left (big) splotchy off-white colored stains all down the front of my shirt. (NEXT DAY) Blessed by your name when I am in line at a Starbucks and an old man asks me if I am wearing my bath robe when I really just wore one of my favorite dresses and paired it with jeans because it was cool outside. Blessed be your name when the two drinks I bought flip upside down on the way to work and my car now smells like soy milk. And finally, blessed be your name when I am just sad, feel hopeless, discouraged, confused, annoyed, aggravated, and lonely.

Those words speak truth to me today, because I know that He gives but He also takes away, and He will only ever take away to replace it with His glory. His glory is worth walking around drenched in coffee. His glory is worth a busted up phone. His glory is worth a fashion disaster. His glory is worth making me less so that He may be greater. I have no problem going through these things if that's what it takes to remind me of His infinite love and goodness. I get so stuck on myself, that I forget to dwell on His goodness, instead of dwelling on my misfortune.

So as I sit here, in my "bath robe", drinking only half a cup of a soy latte, and dreading going back into my car after work only to be suffocated by the fumes of old milk, I can only think: "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say: Lord, blessed be Your name"

*Disclaimer: The massive consumption of coffee within the past two days comes from major lack of sleep. I still refuse to become an all out coffee drinker, I am simply testing out the waters, "getting my toes wet", so to speak.*