Be Still

I had the intentions of writing this blog 3 weeks ago, well those 3 weeks have come and gone and I am just now getting to it. That's how busy I am, it takes me forever to type out one little blog post. I wish I could say that I have been busy with important things, such as spending all my time in homeless shelters, or the pregnancy center that I volunteer at but I've even neglected that over the past month. I've let job(s) get the best of me, I put all my time and energy into my work. Earn more money, cash in my stocks, save up for vacation, and make a dent in that super long Christmas shopping list I made, these are the thoughts that have consumed me lately. I don't like it, not only does that sound stressful but it has taken success and money and placed it before God just simply providing for me. I have felt like I've placed striving for more above everything else.

About 3 weeks ago, the same time I had planned on blogging, I realized that I had a day off of work with nothing else planned. 24 hours all to myself. This is a rare thing, I am the type of person who feels like I need to constantly be doing something wether it be working, volunteering, or just a social event, my schedule always needs to be full. I didn't know what to do, I just realized I had this day off with only a couple hours notice, it was too late to plan anything. So I just had to face the music and deal with the fact that I had to spend the whole day with myself, just me and my thoughts. So I decided that I wanted to be productive in a completely relaxing sort of way. I wanted to do things around the wonderful city of Austin that I don't do on a daily basis. The day ended up being an eye opener, I didn't earn any money that day and I wasn't successful in any way possible but I learned a lot about my thoughts, and what they are controlled by. I let God get the best of me that day.

So here is my adventure, a whole 24 hours dedicated to nothing but peace and satisfaction in God. It was a struggle to get to that point but I am glad that God was forcing me to just be still.

I started off at Mozart's coffee, I was ready for God to speak to me and ready to blog about it. I got my tea, headed out to the deck. sat by the lake and watched the ducks and turtles swim around. I was ready. Speak to me God. (Nothing says "God spoke to me" like hanging out in nature, it just seems to go hand and hand.) I began to get frustrated, distracted and way too eager to blog about something profound and funny, or about something God told me to blog about so that I appeared to be super holy! I sat there for an hour....and then nothing. My thoughts were still being consumed by making plans, how to finance my money this month, how I could squeeze in some more hours at work before leaving on vacation. Once again I found myself trying to strive for more. So after an hour of just sitting there, getting distracted by Facebook (that little devil) and tweeting up a storm, I decided to leave. I needed lunch after all. Next stop: Whole Foods.

I was excited about getting lunch at Whole Foods downtown, it is a place I like to visit often but don't really have the chance too. I have a Whole Foods by my apartment but it isn't the same as the one downtown...it's just not as fun. So I packed up my stuff and headed over there. If you aren't aware Whole Foods is like the mother ship for everything "Austin" so it fit perfectly into my plans of doing something different. After circling the parking lot for about 5 minutes, I was finally able to grab my lunch and I was ready to eat! I still wanted to do something even more Austin-y, so I took my lunch and headed over to Mount Bonnell. For those of you who aren't Austinites and are reading this, Mt. Bonnell is the highest point in Austin which also over looks Lake Austin (I just typed the word Austin a lot in one sentence!!). It is beautiful up there. Unfortunately my ex boyfriend and I used to go on dates up there but I was determined to change the memories of that place. It is too beautiful to not visit just because of a silly relationship. Anyway, I hiked the stairs up to the top and was ready to eat lunch and hear from God. Speak to me God, I am hanging out in nature again....why is this not working. I ate my lunch, and just waited. Still nothing. I was starting to become restless so I just finally had to stop or I was going to go insane. Somehow I managed to finish my lunch despite my lack of patience. I stayed up there for awhile, sitting in silence, looking at the birds and seeing how God provides for them in the form of a tiny french fry or whatever food was left over up there near the picnic site. My heart wanted to be content and still but my mind kept wandering. My thoughts weren't cooperating. I decided to take my talents elsewhere and head over to Mayfield park.


For those of you who also aren't familiar with Mayfield park, it is a place where peacocks run free, and you get to walk around with them, take pictures, have picnics and what not. Another Austin thing that I don't get to do often, and fortunately I had not been on a date there. Jackpot. I was determined to get my thoughts right, I was ready for God to show me some big things. I was hanging out with nature for the third time that day, that's got to mean something!! Still nothing.

It wasn't until later on that day that I realized I was being spoken to the whole day. God was never silent. I was just trying to listen to the wrong things. I wanted to hear amazing things that would knock me off my feet, I wanted God to wreck me and then wreck me again. It wasn't until I fully processed the day that I realized that God was forcing me to be still. I was surrounded by nature all day, but I was never fully in awe of the beauty of God's creation. I kept wanting God to speak to me but the thing is, he was. Through the ducks on the lake he was saying "Look at me." Through the view from Mt. Bonnell he was saying "Look at me." and by the beauty of the peacock's feathers he was saying "Look at me." God is most visible to me by looking at his creation, I am that crazy person who looks at clouds and smiles because God is just looking beautiful today! I wasn't seeing that though because I was striving, striving to be funny, witty, profound, successful, and find an identity in something. God wants me to be still, he wants me to remember that he provides. My job doesn't provide. My success doesn't provide and my good deeds don't provide. He speaks loud and clear when I am still, knowing that everything comes from Him. He is my provider and will never fail me.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” -Psalm 46:10