Remember that time I said I would post for 31 days about faith? And I even made a fancy Instagram image and everything. And then I failed after Day 4. Well, I don't know what I was thinking. I am not sure if I forgot that I am the type of person who crams as much activity as I can into my weekly planning. Tis the reason why I failed.
I just felt I needed to address that before I proceeded on with my regularly scheduled post. (And by regularly scheduled I mean- whenever I want!!) Because that's how I blog, whenever a good idea strikes me. I just can't seem to be a legit blogger and do it everyday. So please don't judge my failures. Or do. It's okay, I'll never know.
Soooooooo.........
The past 8 weeks have been flipping amazing, y'all! I didn't get a new job, a new home, or a raise. So what could have made the past 2 months so amazing?
I received a renewed relationship with my Jesus.
About 8 weeks ago I was sitting across from my dear friend Kim and we were celebrating my birthday at a cute local place here in Austin. Our conversation started out light and fun, something that is to be expected when you're celebrating someones birthday. But I couldn't hide it anymore. I had to tell someone. And Kim was my victim.
Earlier that day God had put it on my heart to confess. Confess everything that I had been struggling with that summer. Confess a certain situation that was robbing me of pure joy. But it wasn't a pretty situation. It was bad. Gross. Selfish. And as I was sitting there across from Kim, enjoying our dessert under twinkling lights, I confessed. My words were accompanied with tears and my tears were comforted by her compassion.
I am not sure why God thought now would be the ideal time to confess. I am supposed to be celebrating my birthday, after all. But as hard as it was to speak the words to Kim, I am glad he made me. Because for my birthday he gave me the gift of freedom and joy.
A week later I was enjoying a typical night in Austin with my girlfriends. A night that consisted of hanging out downtown and eating food out of trailers. Eating food that is prepared in trailers is the best thing ever. But this is also coming from a girl who LOVES gas station hot dogs so you can take my advice with a grain of salt. And put that grain of salt on your trailer food too. (I imagine that would make it taste better actually.) So there we are sitting on blankets, in the middle of downtown, eating some BBQ and God calls me to confess.
Again.
I am pretty sure I did this last week so I am not sure why we have to revisit this so soon. But I did.
My confession to Allison was a little different. It was a confession of sin but also a confession of God's goodness. My story was being transformed and I could see it in the words I declared the second time around.
Over the course of 8 weeks I began to be in the Word everyday. Something that I have struggled with for years but by the Grace of God I was carving out time for the Word. I was anxiously awaiting my time with Him next.
Jesus is the only reason for this change because His words were fueling my joy and I wanted more.
All day. Err day.
Now that some time has passed I thought I was done confessing about this certain situation but once again God had a different plan.
Last night while Jenn and I were driving back home from our Missional Community she asked me to tell her what has happened over the past 8 weeks. Once again confession rolled off my tongue. It was a confession of the crappy stuff but a declaration of the goodness of God. I remember telling her:
"Some days I want to go back to that sin, because I get lonely and it was fun. But I know that at this time in my life that would be the absolute stupidest thing I could do."
Her response: "I agree."
Her response would normally produce a defensive wall and might cause me to respond by saying "Hey, you don't know me." (Similar to the reactions you get on Jerry Springer) But I was thankful. I am thankful for her honesty because it is to protect me and help me strive towards Jesus.
Over the past 8 weeks I have seen the importance of being brutally honest within community. And over the past 6 weeks we have been studying a series in church about the importance of community. I don't think it is a coincidence that those two coincided in my life during this time.
Because of Jesus my words of confession have been transformed into words of declaration.
I want to confess the bad because I want to declare the good.
Jesus takes filth that has decayed my heart over the span of 4 years and makes it new. And he gives you community to walk alongside you and help you clean up those pieces.
So if you are reading this and you aren't in community, I encourage you to get on that!
I know it can be hard to walk into a group of people you may not know and talk about Jesus. But it is so worth it.
And if you are reading this and your walk with Jesus is being held back by chains that are slowing down your walk- confess. And after you confess- declare!
While confession should be a regular part of our Christian walk, I am reminding myself that it is important that I don't live in that state of confession but I also live fully in the state of declaration.
I am declaring that Jesus is better.
"And our souls declaring Jesus is better.
Make my heart believe.
Our song eternal Jesus is better.
Make my heart believe."
