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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Open letter to the Class of 2012


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

Congratulations seniors of 2012, you will now get to see this verse printed on every graduation gift imaginable. For me, I received this on a picture frame ten years ago, for you it might be printed on a t-shirt of a cute cuddly teddy bear, or how about a paperweight? Seriously, what freshman in college uses a paperweight? If you do and I just offended you, feel free to throw it at me. I strongly believe that this verse alone keeps LifeWay Christian bookstore afloat. Now before I sound like a blasphemous, self-proclaimed lover of Jesus, let's make it clear that I have nothing against this verse. I love this verse, and I love the context of which it is used in the Bible. What I hate is how the 17-year-old version of myself completely jacked up this verse to justify thinking I deserved everything I wanted in life.

In 2002, I emerged from my sheltered bubble I call private school, in other words- I graduated. I had big plans to attend Texas Tech University (Guns up!) and be involved in sports medicine. I had a foolproof plan and it only involved staying in school for four years. How hard could it be? After all, this was apart of God's plan to give me hope and a future. How can I have a future if I don't graduate college in four years? The thing is, I thought I knew what God's plan was but really it was just my plan and I made it sound like it was all his idea because it is what I told him what would happen when I prayed. (Stinkin' little brat I was!) Well for reasons beyond my control I was not able to finish school and I had to move back to Austin. Talk about a let down. I was confused. I thought God wasn't going to give me anything that would harm me; I had it on a picture frame for crying out loud! I was hurt, confused and probably annoying to everyone around me. Why was this happening to ME? Why did I have to tell the embarrassing news to all my friends? Why did I have to deal with this financial mess? I'm a good Christian after all.

"...then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." -Jeremiah 29:12

As time went on I began to grow bitter and depressed. All my friends were away at school and here I was throwing myself a pity party on the daily. I was living on my own and struggling a lot, and I started searching for things to find my worth in. Jeremiah 29:11 became a verse in which I used to argue against God- "You said you wouldn't harm me…you said you would give me plans to prosper me...this is not prospering!!" As time went on my church attendance was seriously lacking. I didn't want to be apart of the church college group because I wasn't technically in college and I got tired of being asked why I wasn't in school. I began searching for my self-worth in boys. (Dun, dun, dun) I just wanted someone to tell me I was good enough and to make me feel special. I began looking for approval from everyone, which was another one of my foolproof plans (sarcasm, of course). After years unfulfilling approval of man, I hit the bottom of what I like to call my pit.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." -Jeremiah 29:13

From 2003-2007 I was a hot mess, a crazy lady if you will. For four years I was constantly searching for something or someone to make me feel validated and/or important. Serious fail. My constant searching turned into constant sadness. I was never happy, and it was because I wasn't looking in the one place I needed to be looking- God's word. I can't remember how I heard of it but I began reading a book by Beth Moore called Get Out Of That Pit. It is an amazing book and I recommend it for anyone struggling with approval idols and becoming a slave to your sin. This book, a long with the Bible began to transform my thoughts, which in turn began to transform my actions. I couldn't get enough of this new Jesus I found. I began seeing all the crappy situations I put myself in as huge blessings. Without Jesus, how can one look back on a relationship in which they were cheated on and be thankful for it because it brought me back to Christ? I started seeking God and I found a new version of him. I parted ways with the god of religion, rules and punishments and I was welcomed into a relationship with the God of the gospel, grace and freedom.

"I will be found by you," declares the Lord "and will bring you back from captivity..." -Jeremiah 29:14

If you would have told me ten years ago that nothing would have gone the way I was planning I would have hated you. Sorry, Christians can't hate...let's say I would have strongly disliked you and then shook my fist at you. I wouldn't have believed you, after all when you are a senior in high school you are on top of the world and the plans you have are indestructible (more sarcasm, imagine that). It took ten years for me to learn that God's plans for my life are the best ones imaginable. If God never took me out of my comfort zone I would have never discovered that I want to be a writer, I would have nothing to write about and I would not be doing what I believe my true calling from God is. God brought me back from the captivity I placed myself in. It was a long hard battle, but I am finally at peace with all the different life changes that I went through. I can finally say- Jesus, I trust you.

So graduating class of 2012, with your big day quickly approaching the only thing I can tell you is this- don't make Jeremiah 29:11 about you; make it about Jesus. Make it about the gospel and make it so that you are surrendering to the different life changes that may come your way. Pray that in your life Christ would be glorified, because when Christ is glorified is when you start living a life that is prosperous and full of hope.

Congratulations Class of 2012, YOU DID IT!! (Bet you didn't see that Legally Blonde reference coming, did you?)

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