It is finally time to write about #Tracis30For30!! I've found such peace and freedom from this experience and I can't wait to share everything I've learned. If I made this one big post it would be extremely long so I wanted to break it up into 3 segments:
1. Faith
2. Food
3. Fitness
I want to start off with faith because that is the most important aspect of my journey. Without faith and Jesus this wouldn't exist. So let's get started, shall we?
Everything in me is terrified to write this post. It's because I know that the words I will share will expose the inner fears and insecurities that I've carried with me for half my life. But that's what's so great about the power of Jesus, he gives us the courage to share our story for His glory. Not mine. Nothing about this 3 post series is for my glory. Because if it were up to me I'd be sitting on my couch eating my leftover birthday cake. Like a boss.
For those of you who don't know, on January 12th I set a goal for myself: Lose 30 pounds for my 30th birthday. It was my gift to myself. Why 30 pounds? I don't know. It seemed do-able and if I'm being completely honest the hashtag was catchy (I love me some hashtags). It also was a good ESPN reference...and if you've met me you know I'm all about ESPN. I also made a point to not make it a New Year's resolution because I always fail at those. And I knew I'd fail. So starting two weeks later took off all the pressure.
Let me give you the back story on my struggles with my weight and self-confidence.
When I was 15 years old I had knee surgery. And it sucked. I grew up playing sports almost all year round, so when this injury occurred it benched me for a lot longer than I thought. During that time I wasn't able to excercise as much as I normally did. When my knee healed, I was back in the game but was never 100%. When doing drills or working out I always used the "I have to go easy on my knee" excuse. But to be honest I was just lazy. During that time I put on some weight, not a whole lot but enough to make it stand out when I looked at myself in the mirror. It was fabulous. Not.
So during high school and some of college I was able to keep my weight in a somewhat healthy zone. In my early 20's I was a volleyball, basketball, and track coach for several years but once I stopped coaching and causally working out with the team, homegirls weight got outta control. I wasn't eating healthy, in fact I really enjoyed eating a ridiculous amount of Mac and cheese and drinking Dr. Pepper like it was water. That was my lifestyle. Fast food was my comfort food. I just really liked to eat, all day err day.
Depriving my body of everything it could possible need seemed to be the trend from ages 15-29. Then in December of 2013 while we were vacationing in Georgia I took a picture with my family and it broke me. Who is that girl? It's the first time I really saw the results of my carelessness. And I couldn't take it. I had a pity party for about two weeks and then something in me changed.
Jesus changed me.
I began to feel him pulling me in closer during worship or while reading my Bible. I began to hear Him like I hadn't before. I started to notice that he did care. Jesus cared about my struggle with weight, and he wanted me to come to him with that problem. Up until this point I had been avoiding praying about my weight. To me it was like praying for a front row parking spot, or for Tim Tebow to magically appear in my living room. It just seemed silly. I didn't want to bother THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE with a request like that. But I learned that it wasn't about the request. It was about the trust that I would have in him that he could accomplish this in me. It would be all him, not me. Because for 15 years I tried conquering it on my own and face planted every single time.
So one day, at my dining room table, with my Bible in hand I prayed the words of Ephesians 3:20. I prayed that he would be in control and I would follow. I asked to trust in his promise that he could do far more than I could ever imagine. And he did.
Without crying out to God, I would have failed. I wouldn't be writing this post. Because I know who I used to be. I'd give up, I'd get lazy, or I'd make excuses. But not anymore. Jesus just went beast mode on this goal and crushed it. Through him I am experiencing freedom from food and laziness. I still have a ways to go but I made my goal and I am almost to where I want to be in the long run. I'm almost three sizes smaller, on the last notch in my belt, and wear a size medium instead of large or extra-large in clothes. And it is all him. He changed my heart. He gave me comfort when I looked in the mirror. He gave me hope when I just wanted to take a nap instead of going to the gym. He changed my mindset, my broken and busted mindset that told me I wasn't good enough to beat this struggle.
Jesus changed me. And he is continuing to change me...because he isn't done yet...he is still doing far more abundantly than I could ever imagine.
Jesus wants to be a part of the prayer requests you find ridiculous, unimportant, and insignifanct. Because he wants you to live in freedom and peace, not held captive by fear or shame. I was embarrassed for struggling with something like that, and I never wanted to talk about it. So I hid it deep down inside me. But he dug it out, shared it with my community, and conquered that insecurity.
It wasn't just a quiet relationship with Jesus that helped me through this. I told a few of my close friends and my Missional Community. We prayed over this, they invited me to the gym, and would constantly ask the hard questions. Every. Single. Week.
It takes accountability and you have to invite people to walk alongside you, even if you find it messy or embarrassing. That's what they're there for, to encourage and motivate.
This is a sermon that blessed me in so many ways and I hope that it can do the same for you. It help show me just how much Jesus cares about the little things in our life and how we can trust him in that.
"The 7 Sayings of Jesus"- Woman, Behold, Your Son
The next post will be about the changes I made in my eating habits to help me achieve this goal. I'm not a dietician or wise in nutrition, but these are just things I feel really made a difference and help me shed some pounds.
'Til next time,
Traci Lynn :)
