In honor of Valentine’s Day I am going to do a three-week series about dating for the single ladies. I think there is so much power behind being single; it just takes a little time to find it. Once you wipe away the tear-smeared mascara, your vision of singleness gets a little clearer when you start looking at it through the lenses of Christ’s love.
I thought it would be great to start off this series with “first date etiquette” because I feel like being in the season of love, some of us ladies get a little adventurous and try out online dating, speed dating or take up a friend's offer to go on a blind date. I speak from experience. This year has been an (unintentional) fresh start with a lot of things for me- jobs, living arrangements and dating. I went out with someone the other night that I barely knew because I wanted to try something different. (And now I am becoming that girl who blogs about it.) So with three weeks until the big (V) day, here are some tips of the trade that I experienced just the other night in hopes that they may put you more at ease for your first date.
1. Christian ladies date Christian men
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?”
2 Corinthians 6:14
So you’re a follower of Christ and you want a relationship that will work don’t you? Then only date Christian men. There is a reason that Christ calls us to not be “unequally yoked”. It’s because a man who isn’t looking to lead like Christ won’t show you love like Christ either. He won’t fully understand and respect your boundaries- whether they are spiritual, physical or emotional. Non-believers can be nice too, but just because he’s a nice guy doesn’t mean that he is right for you. This is a screen capture of the text I actually sent to the guy I went out with. Some may call it crazy but let’s be honest, if it’s that important to me then I don’t want to shy away from it.
2. Pick your poison
This may be an odd way of putting it but only agree to dates that are equal to the feelings you are willing to give out. I’ll explain- the other night I agreed to a “coffee date” because that’s what I felt most comfortable with. I’m not the kind of girl that wants to be wined and dined on the first date. Why? Because I am guarded. Past experiences have made me more careful about the types of guys I get involved with, so I like to take my time and become friends with someone. What’s the rush? Coffee dates are a great way to get to know someone without all the pressure. Let’s be honest, if someone spent tons of money on me and took me to fancy places, I would feel a little pressure (from myself) to open up with a lot more than I felt comfortable with, kinda like I owed him something. Do what feels right for you, but if you aren’t the serial dating type and want to take your time don’t be afraid to speak up and recommend something that’s light and fun!
3. Dress for success
“Rather clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Romans 13:14
Much like a job interview, you want to give a good impression with your appearance. This may sound superficial but I don’t mean it from that angle. I just mean that you want to dress in the way that you want to be treated. Ladies, if your boobs are hanging out you’re sending out the wrong message. So cover up the girls and let the real lady in you come out, whether it is through your sparkling personality or your ability to make people feel comfortable talking to you. When you clothe yourself in Christ, you always have something cute to wear! ;)
4. Watch yo mouth
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” Psalm 19:14
When you’re on a first date there are certain topics that everyone kind of knows are off limits. For example, you aren’t going to reveal your Pinterest wedding board just yet (I have one) or that sometimes you are in your pajamas and ready for bed by 5p (I do that). Most girls know how to pull back the reigns on first-date conversation but I am also referring to conversation that is appropriate and suitable for a first date. While it may be easy to get carried away “harmlessly” flirting with your date because you want to feel special, remember that your flirty talk can give off more than you intended. This is why I suggest being comfortable in your singleness before diving into the dating scene. When we aren’t comfortable (aka- lonely) we have a tendency to feed off attention from guys and flirt with them because it makes us feel good. In the end this does nothing for your self-esteem or the potential relationship. Flirting with no consequences doesn’t exist; when it’s all said and done someone always gets the wrong idea.
On the other side of things, only answer questions that you feel comfortable answering. No one has you under a light forcing you to answer questions, and if he does then that’s a serious red flag and I suggest refining your searches on Match.com. The other night “my date" asked me a series of questions that I felt comfortable answering. Then we got into the heavy stuff, like what are you looking for in a man. My answer? A Biblical leader, someone who wants to serve his church and others, a person who has a witty sense of humor and likes sports more than I do (that way I still feel like the lady in the relationship. Kidding. Kind of). So once I explained what it means for a man to be a Biblical leader (red flag #1) he proceeded to ask me, and I quote: “So how exactly do you get intimate with a guy that’s a Christian down the line when y’all are dating?” Ummm, did homeboy just ask me about sex???? On the first date??? (red flag #2) So naturally I Jesus juked his question with this response: “It’s interesting that you say that, we just had a sermon on the Gospel & Sex and my pastor said ‘Ladies, don’t marry a man who cares more about his physical needs than your soul.’ So it is my hope that the guy I am in a relationship with will be on the same page as me and he won't have to ask that question.” ZING! Maybe I could have been a little more sensitive with my answer but I also felt like there was no need to bring up that question with someone you aren’t in a relationship with. So what I learned from that conversation is to always watch yo mouth.
5. Bye, Bye, Bye
The date has ended and there it is, the moment that has the potential to either be awkward or ridiculously awesome. Go with your gut. Don’t feel pressured to pucker up to someone just because you feel you have to. After all Jesus does tell us to turn the other cheek, you can use this advice in your dating life too if you find your date going in for a little face-to-face action. When my date ended I tried to go in for the sidehug, but when your date is 6’5” there is no such thing as a side hug. He was all up on me from every direction. I now know how ants feel.
Well our time here is done for today. I hope that my awakward dating experiences can help you embrace yours a little better. I sometimes think that we take ourselves way too seriously when dating and we aren’t able to show the other person the real us. So my hope is that by discovering your identity in Christ you will be able to embrace the real you in your dating life!
Go get ‘em girls!
