Feel free to shield your eyes

So as I was walking through Borders this afternoon I spotted the cover to Miley Cyrus' new album and all I could say was "Why?" If you haven't seen it yet, here it is:



So many things are wrong with this picture, where do I begin?
1. Does anyone in this girl's life know that she is only 17?
2. Why is she squinting so hard? Did she drop her glasses?
3. Was it hard for her not to drool while she was trying way too hard to make her lips look "sexy"?
4. Did she really name her album Can't Be Tamed? Because you are 17, I'm pretty sure you can be tamed, it's called being grounded.
5. This picture looks a lot like this:


Did she not see Britney Spears: True Hollywood Story on E! ? Doesn't she know how this story will end??? Someone get this girl a Tiger Beat magazine, some Twilight books, a Mustang and whatever else 17 year olds are into these days!!

Confessions of a (former) Shopaholic

When people are addicted to things, most find themselves in rehab or counseling, "Hi my name is Traci, and I am addicted to...shopping." How lame, shopping, it's not even a "pity" addiction, one where people feel sorry for you for falling down a pit of drugs, alcohol or sex. It's shopping!! No one is going to say "Oh Traci, I feel so bad for you that you buy all the stuff you want and have cute clothes and designer purses." Nope, no one feels sorry for that. So I didn't tell anyone, and no I am not in rehab for it.

My sister used to give me a hard time about it because there wasn't a day that I wouldn't come home with something, whether it be a new dress, a pair of shoes or a purse. Who buys that kind of stuff everyday?! I did.

How did this happen? When did this all begin? Well, I blame my mom (sorry mom). Growing up my mom and grandma gave my sister and I everything we wanted. We would come home from Dillards with giant bags of clothes, and it didn't help that I had to match everything so that required even more color options for shoes, dresses and hair bows. Well as I got older I justified all my spending habits by saying "I work hard, I have two jobs after all..." Excuses. Well it got worse, if that is even possible, I "fell into some money". I never got that phrase, how do you fall into something, anyway I did and my spending habits got even worse! I was buying all the things I had been wanting, a new North Face jacket or tickets to a Denver Nuggets game, lots and lots of things. Did any of that extra money go to tithing? No.

I spent several months buying things I didn't really need, going out to eat every other day and buying friends expensive gifts (which I doubt they objected to). Only a tiny portion of that money, that I somehow fell into, went towards helping others. And it was a lot of money...

After I spent that extra money I began having convictions about how I spent it, and how I managed to blow through it so fast. I wasn't completely foolish, I do know how to manage money. The money I made from work went towards bills and other responsibilities and the money that I was given went towards me. I think back on all the things I could have spent it on, all the selfless ways I could have supported others but no, all I could think about was me, after all I did work so hard, right?

So as I began to struggle with this feeling of regret and disappointment, God began working in my heart to create a new outlook on material items and possessions. I don't go shopping everyday, I don't have the urge to buy something every time I walk into a store and I don't obsess over money. All it took was a little prayer, a little patience and a lot of God! God restores, He restores the places that we aren't strong enough to fix. He directs our hearts and our minds towards Him and when that happens everything else just seems so silly. I didn't do a thing, God changed my desires and my focus. He made that phase of constant shopping and obsessing over "new things" fade away, and they no longer control me. The last time I bought a new item of clothing was 3 weeks ago, and I am okay with that. I don't feel like I need to constantly reward myself for all my hard work, because it's not about me. He has replaced my thoughts of wanting new clothes or shoes and instead I just can't seem to justify spending that much on things when I think of places I could donate to with that much money. Those aren't my own thoughts, instead it is the work of the Cross and the realization we come to when God is restoring our hearts.

So God has renewed another part of my life, and He has a long way to go before He is finished with me, but I am glad that I serve a God who is patient and forgiving. He still loves me even though I have a tendency to take my time. God is waiting for me to put every distraction aside and just be content with Him.

My attitude sucks, and it's not Jesus' fault.

Anyone who has played sports has heard the saying "Attitude reflects leadership." Well I have been trying to be the leader lately and let me tell you, my attitude sucks. I guess this is just another way of connecting two things I love, Jesus and sports, and attempting to make a really awesome analogy out of it.
In sports the way a team competes and responds to a loss or a win is a reflection of their leader, the coach, and the level of importance they place on winning. A good coach knows that if they are on a winning streak a team should not be cocky or over confident and if they are a losing team, then they place a good amount of importance on working hard, training and staying focus. So when a teams attitude is good, that usually means they have a good leader.

So if my attitude has been sucking lately, what does that say about my leader? Well first off, I have been trying to lead myself lately and just get through the day and going through the motions. I have been leading myself because I have not allowed God to consume my every day life because I am just too busy. I am too busy, too tired and too lazy. My life/work balance has been suffering and I am seriously lacking in church time, quiet time and worshiping God. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't lost any HOPE in God, I love love love Him, I just find myself slipping on the time I spend with Him and it is amazing what a huge difference it makes. I get annoyed more easily, I am emotionally drained and just want to sleep after I am done with work...isn't it ironic how failure to spend time with God can give you the same symptoms as someone who is depressed? I know that by robbing myself from that time with God, I am also robbing myself of pure joy and happiness.

So how do I fix this? How do I make it go away? Well I was honest and brought it to my small group's attention and we decided we are going to hold each other accountable for the time we spend with God. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with people who are just amazing and always there for me. Love you girls!

So if attitude reflects leadership, I want people to see that my Leader is great, powerful and sovereign!! I want my attitude to reflect the fruits of the Spirit!

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23

Sticks and Stones

I once wrote a blog entry titled "Sticks and Stone May Break My Bones..." I'd like to revisit that post again because it can speak to us on a daily basis. Words hurt, and when the bad words are said at just the right time they can disable a person's confidence and comfort. So here is the blog I wrote when I was going through a time in my life when I had to deal with someone who was verbally abusive (I hate using that word but it's true) and by the grace of God, I have been restored and set free from that situation and I am more than comfortable talking about it. That, my friends, is a perfect example of God's faithfulness.

Sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me. As children we would close our eyes and say this and it would give us a sense of security. As adults we learn that words do hurt and sticks and stones cause less pain. With every sentence comes a hundred emotions, happy or sad, they cause us to evaluate the person we are. As I walk through the halls of our child care center it is not rare to hear a teacher saying "Use your words." We are taught young to communicate our feelings; it is not until we get older that we can comprehend the pain or joy we bring to others with our words. Some people never see it. They go through life saying what they want because it gives them that sense of security. As "adults" they still close their eyes and say what they feel regardless of the heartache they cause. Some even seek out others to destroy them with their insecurity, but when will it be enough. What will be the standard by which they measure their success? Will it be silence or will it be heartache? When will we learn that the words we say today could possibly echo in someone's eternity...

It is amazing how many aspects of life that entry can relate to, at the time that I wrote that I was dealing with a bad relationship, but now that I am looking back on it I am dealing with people who like to make other people look bad due to their insecurity.

Bear with me as I go on this side tangent that does have to do with this issue.
I grew up in a private Christian school, one that was filled with kids who were blessed with the finer things in life. I experienced a life of "keeping up with the Joneses", everyday was a day that I got to compare myself to my classmates and at the time, it sucked. Don't get me wrong, my family is extremely blessed, we just didn't spend a ridiculous amount of money on luxury vacations and the finest cars. At the time , I couldn't see why my friends thought money was everything, but now I see it's because their parent's thought it was everything as well. I grew up in a sheltered bubble where parents caused just as much drama as the children, and several years later, things have not changed.

As adults we are called to a higher standard. I do realize that I am not a parent, but I believe that they are called to set the bar for their children's behavior. How can you expect a child to be honest and upright if you are anything but. The phrase "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" didn't come from nowhere.

We are called to be a servant to others, not put down and discourage those who serve. Adults are not immune to insecurities, drama or petty arguments, but that doesn't mean that we have to partake in them. Flee from them, don't worry about what your friends think, after all if they are adults too, shouldn't they understand?? A huge part of me wants to rent an airplane that will "write" in the sky: "Stop using your husband's hard earned money to plot and scheme against others over coffee or pedicures, get out there and serve. If you aren't serving then you have no room to talk. How can your clean hands point fingers at someone who has dirt on their hands to prove their service." I do realize that the first line wouldn't be very Christ-like for me to say, that is why I have refrained from doing so...oh and I don't have several G's to rent a plane, small details. (G's ='s $$$)

So this blog comes at a time in my life when I am frustrated at seeing people hurt people I know with words. Silly, petty words. I have been broken, torn down, and discouraged over a few words and it's not fun. Unfortunately, we live in a world where we don't learn our lesson unless we have experienced it. And though I'd never wish anything like emotional brokenness on someone else, I wish someone people would get slapped with a big dose of reality to see that starting up drama with a few words isn't worth it. It hurts. It causes pain. So until you know what it is like to sacrifice your time to serve your community, you don't get to point fingers at those because you don't think they are doing a good enough job.

So how will your words be used today? To encourage and lift up? Or to break down and destroy?

But I don't want to...

Why do we do things that we don't want to do? Why do we give into temptations, insecurities and fears?

I don't know about you, but I do things I don't want to do, I talk to people I shouldn't and I think about things that are unhealthy, unproductive or just plain damaging to my self worth. I have surrendered to the "don'ts" instead of surrendering the "don'ts" to God. My soul longs for comfort, peace and simplicity. I feel those feelings but not all the time, unfortunately due to the fall of man, we have to deal with frustration, regret, and disappointment. One day my soul will be still but until then it is frustrating to know that these things won't disappear, but they can be silenced.

Recently I have been making an effort to stop these things dead in their tracks. It's not easy but it is so much more liberating. When I verbally acknowledge that God can control these thoughts, feelings or actions, I achieve a sense of freedom, a sigh of relief. These things will never conquer me, they will never claim me but they do try to control me. When I say "God, you are bigger than this, You are more powerful than this, take this stuff because I am not big enough to do it myself" I can feel the filth begin to wash away.

I encourage you to try it, it might be easy to feel self pity, regret and fear and hard to declare that God is bigger than that, He is more faithful than that, and that anything you may face He is at work in it but it's worth it. Don't settle for that heavy weight on your shoulders, instead strive for total freedom through Christ. I'm working on it and you should too, it's a pretty nice feeling!!


"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

The easter bunny did not save my soul...

In fact the only thing the easter bunny has done for me is made me wet my pants and cry when I was a child. He didn't display unfailing love and he didn't get crucified...the easter bunny is a wuss. He didn't do anything yet during this time of the month he gets more glory than the One who actually did do something. I wish the easter bunny and some colorful eggs wouldn't take away from the wonderful message of Easter Sunday.

I know this blog is short and kinda random but it has just been bothering me lately so I just needed to throw it out there.


This is what I find my joy and hope in:

"After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

-Matthew 28:1-7

Homeless but not hopeless.

Today the Holy Spirit came out with guns a blazin'. I'm talking "full force, take no captives, convict you 'til you cry" kinda convictions. I am not sure why but everywhere I looked on my drive to work this morning, I heard God telling me "You need to change this, you need to change that." A very overwhelming, yet peaceful feeling to say the least.

I drove a different route to work this morning, it was not planned and I was actually just trying to avoid all traffic that I came across. I ended up in the St. John's area, way off my path to work but definitely not a coincidence. I have been feeling convictions about moving to this neighborhood, it would be a major change from where I currently am in the Arboretum. God knows it's not safe, He knows that I wouldn't have a Starbucks within walking distance, and He knows that some nights I would be scared but He keeps putting it on my heart. l don't know what to do about this conviction, my heart says "GO, DO IT!" but my mind is being rational and saying now is just not the time for a move, financially I would be downsizing in the rent but as far as buying all my own furniture that would put a dent in my wallet that I am just not comfortable with yet. So confusion has settled in and I am trying to solve this issue before June (when my lease needs to be renewed).

As if that was not enough, I stopped to get breakfast this morning at Taco Shack and there was a homeless man standing at the menu board in the driving thru area. Everyone casually brushed him off, avoided eye contact or slowly drove away. He was one smart cookie, by standing at the speaker he knew that a person couldn't keep their window up to avoid speaking to him, he knew that he would be heard, even if they weren't truly listening. Well I was a couple cars back before I spotted him and the Holy Spirit had a field day with this one. God didn't want me to back out of this one, He wanted me to help him, and that man wasn't there for no reason...he was there because God need to shout to me just a little louder today.

Have you ever made eye contact with a homeless person? It hurts and it's hard but it's absolutely necessary. It takes that direct contact to see their red, puffy and teary eyes on the outside but it's the hopelessness, fear and struggle on the inside that hurts them a lot more. After looking into their eyes, you suddenly realize that giving them $10 really isn't that big of a deal and it means a lot more to them then it should to us.

God wasn't done just yet, but is He ever? We are supposed to be changing, God restores us daily. After my trip to Taco Shack I went to Starbucks down the street to get tea (yum). While waiting for my drink to be made, I sat by a homeless person in the cafe. Very clever God, very clever. We had a wonderful conversation about how he slept for 15 hours and how he was ready and excited for a fun filled day ahead. I can guarantee that I have about 10x more possessions, money and friends than he has (that sounds mean but please understand where I am coming from) but he was more excited than I was to tackle the day. How is that?? Well because he has the joy of the Lord, I know this because he told me, and he knows what it means to rely on Him daily. He doesn't get distracted by relying on money, his job or his possessions, he HAS to rely on God- the only source of his hope. It is hard for me to even come to this conclusion because in the end I know how much stuff I am distracted by. God was this man's one and only source of happiness.

A person could classify these instances as creepy, weird, crazy, or a coincidence but as Christians we know that when these things happen it is God's way of making sure we are paying attention. I don't think it's a coincidence that He softened my heart this morning or that He made me extra aware of my surroundings or that I had conversations with people that I don't even know. I believe this was God's way making His point known and so that I wouldn't doubt that it was God's voice telling me to "change things".

After today, I am convinced that:
- I need to do something different.
- I need to get out of my comfort zone
- I need to live among the poor and less fortunate

So with changes come sacrifices and I just need to be clear on where God wants those sacrifices to come from...

"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:33-34