I Am Made For Another World

I am a huge fan of C.S. Lewis' writing, especially the Chronicles of Narnia series, but I do enjoy the thought provoking quotes that can be found in all his books. One of my favorite quotes of all time is one from Mere Christianity, and it goes a little something like this:

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world."

I am such a huge fan of this quote because it embodies something that I have been feeling within me for the past couple years. I have had this strong desire to love and seek my Lord with everything in me. I can't explain it to anyone who does not believe, it is only something that can be felt and then you will know exactly what I mean. I have never seen God, I have never heard his actual voice, but yet I have this desire to love him everyday and never give up on believing in Him, even when others think it's silly. I have that desire that C.S. Lewis is referring to! But until last week, I didn't know it.

Let me now tell you how I came to this realization. Last Friday I went to dinner at Zen...by myself...and I was relieved and excited to run into my friend Bryan Ford. We were able to eat dinner together which was wonderful because we haven't been able to coordinate our schedules lately so that we could actually see each other. *Side note* I love that when I spend time with Bryan our conversations are centered around God and how he is working in our lives. After asking each other how our lives have been since the last time we saw each other, we began talking about how our churches are doing. I am so excited to see Bryan's church growing and that he gets to be apart of that. I made a comment that was something along the lines of: "I love church, I wish I could stay there all day, everyday and never have to deal with the outside world." Bryan responded with something that made this quote truly speak to me, he said: "That is what heaven is for, until then we have to work for the Gospel." I wanted to scream TRUE THAT!!! It all made sense, that desire that I have can only be fulfilled by another world because that other world is heaven!! Heaven will only satisfy these desires because that is where my Lord lives, that is where I can praise Him for days and not have to go anywhere. I love that God has blessed me with several friends over the past couple years that get it, they get that desire, they have it too and I can't wait to experience it with them!

I have many thoughts and feelings going on inside this body of mine that reassure my relationship with God. I feel joy, peace and conviction (not one of my favorite feelings but it does keep me on the straight path). These feelings are caused by someone that I cannot see, hear or feel yet they are so real to me. His peace gets me through the day, His joy makes the hardships bearable and the convictions help me to see that this life is not my own. I experience thoughts that I am not capable of creating on my own, and that helps me to see that my life is guided by Christ. I find myself wanting to help others for no reason and that is the work of the Gospel. I could go on and on about things that I think or feel that aren't in my nature, I am selfish with my time and money yet I want to give and volunteer. I am picky about who I date and show PDA with, yet sometimes I just want to hug a homeless person. That is Jesus at work, because without Him I would never want to do those things. These feelings are so hard to explain to someone who doesn't know Jesus, and they probably think I am crazy, but it's ok I'd rather be crazy in love with my Savior than in love with the world.

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I am wonderful, God says so.

I am at work, until about 9PM, and I am starving. I have already eaten all the "snacks" that I brought and I want more. Why do I feel like I want to eat everything in sight? Why can't my stomach be satisfied. I thought to myself: "Is this why I don't have a boyfriend?" I hate it when I think that, which I do a lot because I tend to do a lot of silly things. I like to make unattractive faces, wear long basketball shorts because they are way more comfortable than booty shorts, and my favorite: I laugh like a man sometimes. I promised myself this year I wouldn't dwell on why I don't have a boyfriend and instead dwell on this: "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." (Psalm 139:14) I hate those thoughts that sneak into your mind when you do something that is silly, unattractive or down right embarrassing, thoughts of imperfections and failure. We all have those thoughts, and isn't it nice to know that they aren't from God and so we know without a shadow of a doubt that since they aren't from him, he will take care of it. Awesome. He will take care of it when we call out to him knowing that he can do it. So I am starting to transform my thoughts into words straight from the Bible. I had to memorize scripture as I was growing up but now it is nice to finally see why that is soooo important. At times when I don't have my Bible but I feel defeated, God replaces the negative thoughts with these promises:

When I am alone in a not so safe place:
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." -Zephaniah 3:17

When I feel stuck in a rut or useless:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." -Philippians 4:6

When I am obsessing over my future:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11

And of course, my daily reminder that I am special even though I don't look like I just rolled out of a Victoria Secret catalog:
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." -Psalms 139:14

It is kind of ironic that I love to read and memorize scripture now because throughout my school years I would cheat on my weekly memory verse quizzes. Yes, I admit it, I cheated. I would cheat all the time. If I could go back to Jr. High Traci, I would kick her in the shins for being so stupid. I would tell her to not treat God's word like that. I think it is because I was so used to "religion" and never saw it as a gift more like a lifestyle that I had to live because I went to a christian school. Well now no one is forcing me to love God, to want to read his word and I love it. I love him and I love his promises.

Kari Jobe

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You make all things NEW.

A new year has begun, and even though it is only 2 days into this new decade God has began to place some NEW thoughts into my head. He is reminding me about his promises, his faithfulness and his awesomeness. Bear with me as I try to filter through all these thoughts in order to create one cohesive blog entry.

I never make resolutions, mainly because I always associate that word with failure. I am not being negative but how many times do you hear someone say: "I have already broken my resolution." (said with a facial expression that shows exactly how much they don't care) Aren't we glad that we don't serve a God who treats His promises for our new year the same way we do. Could you imagine reading Jeremiah 29:11 ("For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.") and wondering if he was going to blow us off for the day, brush us aside and get to us later. We are not a group of people on God's list waiting to be scratched off, I know he wants to be hands on in his promises, he can't wait for that moment when the lightbulb goes off and we say "That was a God thing". This year I hope to find rest in the promise that God will not abandon me, nor he will not forget about me, even though sometimes I feel like he has when I don't get what I want when I want it, to be brutally honest. So I will begin to seek him constantly because I don't want to experience this year in a constant state of doubt, I want to experience it with everlasting joy. And that is not a resolution...it's a promise.

I'm praying for you and I really mean it.

For the past couple of weeks it might appear to you that I forgot I had a blog, but rest assured, I did not. I have been wanting to submit a post for awhile now...I just haven't. Shame. As most of you know I have been in Georgia and working like crazy. My trip to Georgia was beyond amazing. Ever since I was 9 years old, I have been visiting my Grandparent's in Georgia, Greensboro to be exact, and I love spending time there. They have a house that is about 15 minutes away from downtown, it is a nice break from Austin because you are surrounded by nothing but trees and the lake. I rarely got on online, which as you know is not in my nature, and I hardly texted or even made a phone call....I learned that there is life apart from technology. This trip meant a lot to our family and definitely differed from the others that we took over the past several years.

In September my grandpa was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, very soon after he had surgery and the doctors were able to remove it. After a long stay of 21 days in the hospital he returned home and tried to continue to live his life as normal as possible. We knew this visit would be different, we knew that he wasn't going to be as active or be able to do as many things with us like we were used to. We didn't know that this trip would change things in our family even more...

On my Grandparent's 53rd wedding anniversary my grandpa had a doctor's appointment in which he discovered that his cancer spread to his liver and pelvic area. Despite the pain and hardships that they are facing, they were still able to praise God on such a meaningful day in their lives. My grandpa sat down the entire family, cousins, aunts and uncles included, and taught us a lesson that I will never forget. He taught us about the importance of praying for others.

When we say we will pray for each other, how often do we do it? I mean really do it. Do you pray for someone like you would pray for yourself or do you pray for them as if you were scratching them off your list of requests? My grandpa has many people across the US praying for him...they are praying for his healing and he is thankful for that because there are days when he can't pray for healing. He can't pray for healing because he has yet to see it. It is natural, I don't think of him any less for sharing his confession, I only see him as a stronger person. He is strong because he can talk to God and ask him with an honest heart for him to take him.

Could you honestly ask God for him to take you? I couldn't. I love the LORD, a lot, but I am still learning not to be selfish. I am selfish because I'd hate to leave my family, my church, and my friends. I know that heaven would be a million times better, but I don't think I could ask for God to take me. I am not to that point yet of not being scared and I think that's natural.

In the words of my Grandpa, "When you tell someone you are praying for them, do it, because they might be at a point in their lives when they just can't do it anymore." So if I ever have the privilege to be praying for you, I will pray for you like I do when I pray for my Grandpa's healing, because who knows you might be at that same point where you too feel like giving up.

Love you!
Traci

Temptations.

On a car ride to work today something was stirring inside of me that got me thinking about temptation. I was very confused as to why I was thinking about this topic because I feel like there hasn't been anything or anyone seriously tempting me in my life right now. Well the more I thought about it the more I realized I was wrong.

The ever so popular story about Jesus being tempted by Satan in the desert began to play in my head. I could not figure out why in the world I was thinking about such things. Once again, NOTHING has been tempting me. Let's recap this story together:

Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, "If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread." Jesus answered, "It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. "If you are the Son of God," he said, "throw yourself down. For it is written: " 'He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.'" Jesus answered him, "It is also written: 'Do not put the Lord your God to the test.'"
Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. "All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me." Jesus said to him, "Away from me, Satan! For it is written: 'Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.'" Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.
-Matthew 4:1-11

After analyzing each verse I was only more confused, thinking to myself: "Why would God want me to focus on such things, I already know not to be tempted by Satan over things like this." I would never test God by jumping off a building or worshiping Satan. Duh, God (with all do respect of course!) Then after my little sarcastic fit that I was throwing out of frustration, it hit me: I am being tempted by Satan at this very moment. God: Five hundred billion points, Traci: Zero.

In our life we may never come face to face with Satan and he may never directly tell us to follow him but he is way more clever than that. He has many many different ways that he tempts us without even hearing his voice. So I began to see how exactly this temptation has been sinking into my day, and it was only 9AM! I woke up feeling sick, but I knew it was allergies and whenever I have allergies I try to just blow it off. I try not to let allergies over take my day, since in Austin, TX allergies are just as common around here as the cyclists and longhorn t-shirts. Well this morning I got to thinking, my 55 hour work week is right around the corner, I should just rest today, I don't have to go to church. Well, there began temptation #1, self absorption...wanting to be lazy and lay around. Once that temptation began to be more clear, I realized the other things that could be considered temptation by the devil. A couple of examples could include:
1. Falling asleep during my prayer time at night because I don't set aside time while I am not laying in my bed.
2. Putting off my nightly devotional because I am just too tired.
3. Not wanting to invite a certain person to church because I am scared of what they might think of me.
4. Not participating in service projects because I don't know anyone else in the group.
5. Not being willing to serve because after all I do work two jobs and I am just too tired.

Do you struggle with some of these things as well? Have you ever viewed them as temptations from the devil or do you just see them as daily struggles? I have seen them just as daily struggles, like little speed bumps that just slow us down on the road trip of christianity. I think God was trying to teach me to view these things as temptations, things that have power to ruin our relationship with him. When we skip out on our quality time with the Lord we become weak, and our well runs dry. We may never encounter the devil speaking to us and demanding us to reject the name of Jesus, but we will encounter him on a daily basis telling us that we are just too tired, too scared or not enough! We are enough to do the will of God, we just need to get over the tiredness in our life to see that. We may be physically tired and want to skip over those things but when we take the time to become spiritually renewed it begins to replace our physical discomfort.